How I Met Your Mother

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Cindy McLennan: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Who's Holding Your Peace?

The year 2030: Saget!Ted tells his kids that morals usually come at the end of stories, but this one is so important, he's going to tell it to them right up front. "Don't ever, ever invite an ex to your wedding. If someone had given me that advice, well, it would have changed everything." Ouch, Saget!Ted. Don't be surprised when you start getting therapist bills. And perhaps a writ of divorce. Are you still married to the mother?

Current day: Ted's on the phone to Robin, inviting her to his wedding. At first she says she can't because she's so new on the job, and she's finally doing serious news. A stylist is putting the last-minute touches on her hair at the anchor desk of Tokyo Ichi. An eagle-eyed fan on the boards notes that "Ichi" is Japanese for "One" so Robin's basically working for Tokyo's version of the Big Apple's Metro News One. Only it's way tackier. No, really. Look at the set -- bright orange lettering, blue sparkly background, green and fuchsia stripes on the lower half of the wall, and more. Saget!Ted confirms Robin was doing serious news on the number one English news network in Japan, but he says the Japanese do their news a bit differently (the people on the boards deny this, but say the talk shows are another matter, entirely). Flash to a man rolling out a giant fan, and training it to blow on Robin as she reads the news which, to be fair, is serious (it's about the Fed and the interest rates). Flash back to Ted begging Robin to come, and Robin finally agreeing. They end the call, and it's time for Robin to go on the air, with her co-anchor, a chimp. Yes, that's right; Robin's partner is a chimpanzee, who pelts her with marshmallows as she delivers a report on Middle East peace talks. The devil you know, eh, Robin?

Ted tells Barney, Lily, and Marshall that Robin is coming, and they're all psyched -- particularly Barney, but he doesn't dwell because Ted and Marshall are there, and because he's got to tell Ted about his bachelor party plans, which involve three physically (and morally) flexible exotic dancers. Ted has no time for that, so Barney says he'll tell him how it went. Ted and Marshall leave MacLaren's to rent cars to take them all to Shelter Island, and Lily asks Barney why he didn't try to talk Ted out of this wedding again. "Barney Stinson, are you no longer committed to the war on marriage?" He still is; he just knows a lost cause when he sees it, which is the same reason he doesn't recycle. I wonder if Willow will call Riley and explain that to him. Barney tells Lily how and why Ted's marriage is in Barney's best interest. Flashback to Barney working at his office. He crumples up a piece of paper. "Lately, I've been working on a problem of the utmost importance. I confess, I was stumped, until one night I decided to tackle it once and for all." Barney's at his whiteboard. Underneath the header: "HOW CAN I HAVE SEX WITH ROBIN AGAIN?" Barney scribbles, furiously. His equations turn colors, glow and words like vulnerable, nostaligic, booze and insecure jump out at us (people in the forums have analyzed Barney's notes), like a scene out of A Beautiful Mind. "At last, I cracked the code." Barney writes "GET HER DRUNK AT TED'S WEDDING," and circles it. It glows purple and floats off the screen. Lily says, "So, you're back on Robin?" Barney says -- oh come on, you know what he says -- "Hopefully." He thinks this weekend is the best chance to hook up with her again, but Lily says he'll get distracted by drunken bridesmaids and blow his chance. Barney tells Lily not to cheapen this. He doesn't want to sound all mushy but, "This weekend, Robin is the only woman [he's] banging." Isn't it romantic?

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How I Met Your Mother

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