Lily and Marshall's new Dowisetrepla apartment. Marshall carries Lily across the doorway as Robin carries in their farm painting. Marshall spins Lily around. It really is a very cute place. Lily goes to see if the previous owners left any free stuff. Marshall goes to hang the painting right in the entry area and finds an awesome free nail. Marshall tries to hand the painting, but it keeps tilting. He stands back. Robin figures it out as Marshall tries to figure out what's going on. "Your apartment's crooked," she tells him. Robin lays a bottle of champagne on the hardwood floor. It rolls across the room. SagetTed says it's something that once you noticed, you couldn't not notice. The camera tilts to show us how badly the apartment is skewed. It's pretty bad. Marshall tries to hide his panic. He can't believe they spent their whole life savings on this. Lily finds a Hungry Hungry Hippos game and a skateboard. Who leaves that stuff behind? As Lily goes to hunt for more stuff, Marshall asks Robin to keep the crooked thing quiet. He doesn't want to break Lily's heart. Lily finds a salad strainer. Robin tells Marshall it's going to be an uphill battle. Also? He'll have to find the right angle to tell her. Robin holds back a third one, but I offer it for her: Marshall should just accept what's happened instead of tilting at windmills.
Inside the club. Instead of enjoying the truckloads of hot women, Ted is whining about an ethical philosophical wormhole. As Barney touts his green suit to the ladies, Ted says that he's been rewarded all night for his bad behavior: he ditches his friends, then is rewarded with two hot girls. He ditches the two hot girls and is rewarded with a room full of them. "38 looong," Barney announces. Ted thinks the laws of the universe are working in reverse. A woman at the bar puts her drinks on a tab for "Garrido." Ted tempts the Gods by ordering two bottles of Dom Perignon and putting it on the Garrido tab. It works! A cute girl who just happens to be dating Nick Lachey comes up and pinches Ted for not wearing green. Barney pretends to be wearing teal. She is Ashlee "With two e's." Barney tells Ted, "Please. Two C's at most." She invites them to come share a bottle of tequila with her and her friends who have "Shockingly deep belly buttons." Er... nice? Ted thinks that bad things are causing good things to happen. Barney thinks the universe is telling them that they have a free pass to do whatever they want. Barney gives the speech with his eyes closed. "There is no tomorrow," he says gravely. Ted buys into the theory. They get free caviar to go with their champagne. We cut straight to the two of them partying with a huge group of hot girls saying, "No tomorrow!" Barney wonders what the grown-ups are doing.