Marshall and Lily are sulking about bolted-down furniture and the lack of pinball machines in their future. Lily thinks their kids will grow up slanted. Marshall says they'll have to name their daughter Eileen. Even the laugh track can't get behind that one. Robin has an idea. She tells Marshall to open the door. She gets on the skateboard and rolls down the incline. Fun! She says that's five points. Lily goes next, backward. SagetTed says that it's how the sport of Apartment Roller Luge was born.
Nightclub. Barney says that at least Ted's new girl doesn't have kids. He can tell by the wrists. Ashlee gooses Ted from behind. Ted whines that he's been thinking about her being married and that they've been drinking and... she kisses him to shut him up. Would that there were an easier way to shut Ted up. Someone puts a hand on Ted's shoulder. It's a tall redheaded man wearing a green sweater. "We have a problem?" he asks, shot out of a cannon. Ted asks if that's her husband. Nope. He's Rick Garrido, bar tab payer. Ted tries to explain that there's a very simple explanation. He gets punched in the face. Ted down, Ted down!
We cut to the next morning. Ted, eating cereal, is telling Marshall that the police came and picked up the guy. Ted has a black eye. He says that he got to drink for free for the rest of the night. "It was awesome!" Marshall is disappointed. He'a also wearing a very nice shirt and tie. He asks if Ted sees anything wrong with that story. Ted says he lost his new phone at the club. Marshall starts yelling at Ted that he committed credit card fraud and that he KISSED A MARRIED WOMAN! He says that Ted is turning into Barney. "We don't need another Barney!" he yells. Ted tries to defend himself, saying it was St. Paddy's day and it wasn't as bad as it sounds. Marshall lays his phone on the table and plays a message Ted (or perhaps Ted's butt) left for him the night before. Ted says that the real version of the night before started to come back to him. We cut to Ted and Barney in line talking to the door man. In this scenario, Ted is very drunk and is the one who says, "Rock 'n' roll!" when they hear the girls inside are drunker.
Back in the apartment, Ted asks how many more messages he left. Marshall says there are 17 more. We see Ted ordering on the Garrido tab and Ted telling Ashlee he wants to hook up and never see her again. He seems a lot less charming being so drunk. The last flashback is Drunk Ted telling Garrido that there's a simple explanation, calling him "Brah" and getting clocked in the eye again. He falls to the ground. SagetTed bums out about how bad things were and how sometimes to realize how skewed things are you have to see things crooked. The camera goes crooked on lying-on-the-floor Ted to make the point.