Lily and Marshall are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time in their very own place, so Marshall declares the day Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap. That's not all Marshall's done, though. He's taken the liberty of inviting Lily's estranged father to dinner. You can imagine how happy this makes her. Lily's father is a loser, who sponges off people, because all he does for a living is make horribly conceived board games. Even worse -- he has flaked out on every important event of Lily's life. He even missed her wedding. Of course, that's because Lily didn't invite him to the wedding. She didn't invite him, because she had already declared him dead to her. I don't usually go for that kind of thing, but I'm with her this time, because he's played by Chris Elliot. Shudder. We learn Lily's declared a lot of people dead to her over the years, which is awesome, because in the flashbacks, she sort of goes all newfangled Dark Willow on them, and her victims poof into ashes.
But you're here for the slapping, right? Well, it's awesome, too. In the spirit of giving, Marshall has decided to give his fourth slap to Ted and Robin, but they must decide which of them actually gets to administer it. This leads to good, old-fashioned holiday fighting. In the end, neither of them can bring themselves to slap Barney. (Really? Not even Robin?) So as Barney finally relaxes, Marshall surprises him with a slap that knocks him to the floor. He stands over him and triumphantly declares: "That's FOUR!"
I'll catch you on the flipside with the full weecap and what might just be the best end tag of all time (and a honey of a theme song link I've been saving for a special occasion). In the meantime, come on over to the forums and help me bake my pies and clean my house. Pretty please.
Hymns, carols, and other holiday songs are important. I skipped church this past Sunday, and felt particularly bad about it, because it was Thanksgiving Sunday. Then my mother stopped by and mentioned that the congregation didn't even sing "We Gather Together," and suddenly, I was downright glad I didn't go. You can't skip over the essentials on holidays, and thus, I feel it is only right and proper to mark this Slapsgiving with sacred song. Will the congregation please rise and sing along with (Marshall and) me?
What is this feeling
That's put you in your place?
A hot, red burning
On the side of your face.
You feel the blood rush to your cheek.
Tears start to fill your eyes.
And your lips are trembling
But you can't speak.
Oh you're trying
Not to cry.
You just got slapped!
Across the face, my friend!
You just got slapped!
Oh oh oh oh oh
Yes, that really just happened!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Everybody saw it.
And everybody laughed and clapped.
It was awesome
The way that you just got slapped.
Amen. Now, in November 2009, Marshall and Lily hosted their first Thanksgiving in their own place. Marshall got the perfect 22 lb. organic turkey, but while he was bragging about it on the phone to Lily, he left it in his cab, which promptly took off. But on Thanksgiving morning, Ted and Robin come to the rescue -- turkey in hand. Marshall's ready to dismiss it, but according to them, it's the very same turkey. It was turned in to the Port Authority, where it was stored in the fridge. It's a holiday, people. Believe in the magic, okay? When Robin takes her turkey out of the shopping bag, Marshall recognizes it as his own and squeals with delight. After he kisses it, Lily takes it to put it in the oven, because on TV, you can start a 22 lb turkey whenever you feel like, and it will be ready to eat once you're in the mood. Again? Magic. Marshall tells Ted and Robin they're the best friends ever, and as he embraces them, Barney moves in to get in on the hugging action, but Ted says, "No," and pushes him off.
Marshall's still overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion toward his friends so he decides to show them how much. "Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky, I bequeath unto you... the fourth slap." Robin and Ted gasp like those Price Is Right showcase contestants who get like a car, a speed boat, a cruise and a weather machine. Barney, meanwhile, nearly chokes on a slapetizer. Saget!Ted then gives us the history of Marshall and Barney's slap bet, and reminds us that slap 3 (of an eventual 5) was doled out two years ago, on Slapsgiving, 2007. Robin and Ted can't believe their good fortune, and Marshall can't resist rubbing it in Barney's face, even if he's not going to be dishing it out. Barney protests that slaps aren't transferable, so Marshall appeals to Lily -- the Slap Bet Commissioner. She declares slaps to be transferable, and the crowd goes wild. Robin reminds Marshall that this is his second-to-last slap and asks if he's sure he wants to give one away. Marshall says, "Life is short. I figure, 'Slapay Diem.'" His only rules are: the slap must be dealt before sundown, so as not to interfere with Lily's delicious dinner; Ted and Robin have to decide between themselves who gets to dish it out; and, for the event itself, they're going to tie Barney to a chair which shall be referred to as "the slapping throne." Everyone loves this, except, of course, Barney. And although he hasn't yet been enthroned, Barney, who is gulping down his wine, flinches every time either Robin or Ted makes the slightest movement, and even when the doorbell rings -- which it does. Lily asks if they're expecting someone else as she goes to answer it. She opens it to find Chris Elliot. Goodness, Lil, don't you have a peephole and a deadbolt? Slam the door and dim the lights and don't open it again, whatever you do. She doesn't listen. She's too busy looking at the Elliot-beast and saying, "Dad?"