How I Met Your Mother

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Slapsgiving 2: Dark Willow Boogaloo

The gang, sans Lily, sits around the table. The food is untouched. They're playing Diseases. Marshall wants to go look for Lily, but Mickey says she just needs time. Barney's all for dragging things out, and encourages it, which reminds Ted and Robin to continue their argument. Then it dawns on Ted that the slap, which was supposed to be a gift, has turned them against each other. Robin agrees. "This once pure fruit has turned into a poison slapple." She's slap-solutely sure that Ted should take it. A timer has been ticking this whole time, by the way. Marshall again suggests they go looking for Lily. Mickey talks out of the side of his mouth at Ted. "Gall bladder -- about to pop." Ted stands up and escorts Barney to the slapping throne. Barney plays the sexism card in order to stir up one last bit of trouble between Robin and Ted. Ted tries to tell her not to let him get to her, but Barney's good. "That's what you've always wanted, isn't it, Robin? A strong man to take care of you? I mean -- sure, growing up you were a scrapper, playing hockey with the boys, skinning your knees on the ice... But what you couldn't tell your teammates -- what you couldn't even tell yourself -- was that all you really wanted was that pretty white dress, in that pretty white chapel. And at the end of that center aisle, strewn with pretty white flowers, a man... to do all your slapping for you." Robin, who has been smiling and shrugging this off all the while, lunges for Barney. "LET ME AT HIM!" Ted holds her back. The timer dings. Something on Mickey's Diseases game explodes, and Marshall, Ted, Robin, Mickey -- and the turkey -- are covered in what non-parents might describe as brownish mustard. We parents will hold our peace.

Ted asks what happened. Mickey laughs. "Sorry, Ted. Gall bladder burst! You move back three spaces." It is then that Marshall finally loses his patience. "You come in here, and you watch your daughter leave and you don't even care. And now you've destroyed Thanksgiving dinner! Lily -- Lily worked all day on this!" Mickey tells him to relax. "It's not real bile. It's just lead-based paint from China." Oh, well then -- invite over the neighborhood children. It will toughen them up for the hectic Christmastime toy-chewing rush. Mickey waits a beat. "And horse bile." As Marshall rises from his seat and looms over his father-in-law, Saget!Ted narrates that it was at that moment that Marshall gave Mickey a look they'd never before seen. The Exorcist-y music starts up, and Marshall looks like he's about to hold his breath, but then relaxes his face. Mickey asks the gang what he's doing. Ted asks Marshall, "Did you swallow some of that paint?" Marshall explains that that was his you're-dead-to-me-look. The gang tries to mumble supportively. Mickey says Lily's is much better. Marshall screams, "Get out of my house!" and we sideways slide to...

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How I Met Your Mother

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