While Lily fairly growls Karen's name, and the others react with unintelligible noise, Saget!Ted narrates over the flashbacks: "Kids, I think I've told you about Karen. She was my girlfriend in high school and intermittently through college." We see their high school prom picture. Ted's hair is wild. And Karen is a pretty (although blonde, when I prefer the ginger version) Laura Prepon. Karen and Ted make out on Ted's bunk while Marshall and Lily play cards, and Saget!Ted continues: "She was beautiful, smart. I was madly in love with her. The only problem was -- Marshall and Lily were not. I think it had something to do with every time Karen opened her mouth." We see Karen makes snooty comments about loving how "American" it is that Ted and Marshall live in a dorm: "It's like. 'Let's all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.'" Hello!
Flash forward to MacLaren's. When Lily proclaims Karen "such a douche," Marshall one-ups her: "Dude, she was heiress to the Masingill fortune." Did you write that one down, too? Ted tries to explain away her behavior, but Marshall and Lily won't let him get away with it, saying that Karen turned Ted into one of her douche-zombies. Ted? Surely you jest. Ahem. We flash back to Karen, Marshall, Lily and Ted each eating a Cup O' Noodles in the dorm. When Lily asks for the salt, Karen pronounces her "so bourgeois." And I'm kinda with Karen here, not that using salt is the hallmark of the bourgeoisie, but who needs salt on ramen soup of any kind? Gah. I need a drink just thinking about it. Where's my wine? Ahh, that's better. Next, Karen asks, "What's that?" while pointing at...at TV. And you know, there are people in my life I love who are some of those people (yeah, I know) who never watch TV, but they don't freaking pretend they don't know what one is. Marshall, eating from a giant fruit bowl, calmly says, "That's a TV, Karen." Ted is, of course, enthralled that she doesn't watch. I bet he'll even think about it, the next time he settles down in front of the tube with a sandwich. In the next segment, Karen tells Marshall, "You thought I actually bought tickets to Wrestle Mania? I was being ironic." Ted says, "Totally," while Marshall tries to act casual...in his Ultimate Warrior costume. He claims that he too was being ironic, but then Lily shows up in her Hacksaw Jim Duggan get-up, and the jig is up.