How I Met Your Mother
Splitsville

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We All Scream for Ice Cream

It's still the autumn of breakups, so we know that since Barney dumped Quinn and Ted and Victoria split, it's time for Robin to dump Nick. Why? Because she just realized that he's not exactly smart. Really? She just realized that he can't even put his shoes on the right feet, had eaten a vanilla-scented candle and is barely able to get himself dressed in the morning? And they've been dating for a while? Those abs ARE distracting, but not THAT distracting.

Anyway, she can't be with him because he's just too dumb, and since he has a pulled groin muscle and can't have sex, he's utterly useless. But Marshall wants the two of them to work it out because he's got a new obsession with his midtown professionals basketball team (the Force Majeures), and Nick's the ringer they've brought in to help them win. But still, Robin decides to tromp on Nick's heart and rock-hard abs because Barney made her a countdown clock -- if she doesn't break up with Nick by 8 PM, he's sending her obsessive stalker Patrice an invitation for Robin and Patrice's BFF FunDay.

So Robin heads to Splitsville (the name of an ice cream establishment) and tries to gently let Nick down, but he gets a call with bad news (which turns out to be that his injury is so bad he can't play basketball for a while), and eventually she ends up having Lily (and the rest of the gang) on the phone with her to prove she's actually going to go through with the dumping. She can't bring herself to do it because he thinks he can still have sex. So in comes Barney and informs Nick that he and Robin are madly in love and are meant to be … blah blah blah. Nick breaks down crying and is instantly consoled by two other girls who just got their hearts broken at Splitsville.

Robin thanks Barney, though she insists his heartfelt speech was real and not just him being a bro. The two almost share a kiss, making me momentarily think we're going to get to their wedding sooner rather than the end of the season, but it's interrupted by a phone call from Patrice. Seems that Barney forgot to stop the timer and sent out the invite. Leading to the highlight of the episode, which is pictures of Robin having to hang out with Patrice… and jumping/falling off a Ferris wheel.

Meanwhile, Marshall does a lot of random pull-ups (with the baby attached to him) and other exercises to seemingly keep in shape. And Lily invents lusty fantasies for everyone and generally acts perpetually horny. Eventually, Ted finds out they aren't having sex because every time they even think about kissing, Marvin starts crying. So Ted takes the baby out for a walk and Marshall and Lily quickly (like Superman changing in a phone booth quickly) get naked.

And this episode also had the ridiculous plotline about Ted also having a basketball team filled with architects. They were more obsessed with moving windows in the gym than playing, and he made one basket in a game, but it was off the walls at several different angles and doesn't count. And then his team dumps him over a delicious-looking banana split. Stupid. Now that we're done with the breakups, can we move on to the mother?

How I Met Your Mother

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