MacLaren's. Marshall thinks he'll have a heart attack from not knowing the results. Barney thinks he'll go down from diabetes first, based on his grocery list. Barney tells Marshall there's a way to help. He knows a guy at work who can penetrate a firewall and retrieve a password through a secure server. Marshall wants to meet a guy in a dark garage and wear a trenchcoat. Pervert. Barney tells him to be cool and on that weird non-laugh, we go to commercials.
Back at the bar booth, Ted is trying to pretend he just got off the phone with Cathy and totally figured out what it is about her that annoys everyone else. He hears it now. Or sees it. Smells it? The gang doesn't fall for it. Ted demands to know what Cathy could have done that was so horrible in the two minutes he left the table. Pretend-flashback scenarios: Cathy tells everyone but Ted that she once started a rumor that her English teacher had sex with her. He's still in jail. Scenario #2: Cathy volunteers at the pound and enjoys putting puppies to sleep. She even wears bracelets made from their collars. Scenario #3: Cathy used to have a penis. Back in reality, Robin says it's nothing Cathy did while Ted was gone from the table; it's just who she is. Ted can't figure out why he can't see this flaw that everyone else sees. Marshall says Ted is driving the "I want to have sex with her" truck and that it's got a huge blind spot. Barney does story-time. It's about a girl named Lucilia he wanted to have sex with. The camera zooms in very slowly on his monologue. Barney had sex in Rio for 10 hours on the beach with the girl and she applauded and told Barney he was the best lover ever. He restored her faith in God. Ted asks what that has to do with Cathy. "Who's Cathy?" Barney asks. Rimshot! Tip your waitresses, folks! I'm here 'till Sunday and then it's off to the Ha-Ha Club in Kalamazoo! G'night! Ted really wants to know the flaw. Marshall asks if he's sure he wants to shatter this beautiful illusion he's created. Slowly, Marshall says, "Cathy...talks...a LOT." Everyone agrees. Ted doesn't believe it. Robin asks him to really remember what the dinner was like. "And I did," SagetTed says, gravely.
Dinner flashback. Cathy is asking Robin again about the chicken or lasagna. Before Robin can answer, Cathy launches into a whole thing about lasagna, chicken, and then pork. She recounts much of the movie Babe including the phrase, "Bah, Ram, Ewe!" That's a sorority she would totally rush. We cross-fade to what must be hours later and now Cathy's talking about Dr. Seuss. "Lasagna!" Robin finally snaps. "Just get the lasagna!" Ah. Robin's not a total prick after all. Cathy asks Lily and Marshall about their new place. Before Lily can answer about how many rooms they have, Cathy is already is on about futons and Murphy beds. She's Chatty Cathy. Ted is so enthralled by the conversation he doesn't notice it's completely inane. We cross-fade to Cathy saying that it was a half-hour before she noticed Ted wasn't on the phone with her anymore. Hysterical! "Two! It's two bedrooms!" Lily snaps. Marshall is roused from a light doze. Cathy starts going about the best cannolis in town. We whoosh back to Ted. We hear glass shatter. SagetTed says the illusion was shattered. "Wow...she just never shuts up, does she?" Ted realizes. Robin says the girl didn't even chew her food. She was scared for her. At first. And on that second light, light joke, we go to commercials. Wow, did the Writers Strike begin early on this show?