MacLaren's. Lily can't believe Ted told Marshall she's a loud chewer. Robin, watching Lily chew on pretzel, loudly, has her illusion shattered. Robin, disgusted, says, "Maybe enough with the pretzels?" Lily asks if she really chews that loudly. Robin thinks it sounds like a screwdriver in a pencil sharpener. Nice friend, if you can get her. Lily is annoyed at Ted and calls him "Mr. Corrector." Robin doesn't get it. Lily asks if Robin ever noticed that most of what Ted says to her is correcting her about something she said. Side-whoosh to the days when Robin and Ted were dating. She asks for a Kleenex. Ted says Kleenex is a brand. "This is a facial tissue," he says. Ugh. Annoying. Another one: Ted and Robin are watching Frankenstein. She asks if Frankenstein is gonna kill the little girl. Ted corrects that "Frankenstein," the doctor, isn't in the scene. His monster is. Cut to Robin and Ted, post-coitus. She says that literally blew her mind. "Figuratively," Ted corrects. Side-whoosh. Robin hears shattered glass again. "That is so annoying!" she says of Ted's habit. Lily eats a pretzel. "Where are those pretzels from, Ace Hardware?" Robin asks.
Apartment. Marshall is getting rid of all of their crunchy foods, including kettle corn. Shouldn't he be packing for the new apartment? Barney, who just snuck in stealthily, doesn't want any snacks. He wants the blinds closed. Barney, pretending to be a spy, shows a CD that he's going to stick in the computer. He says they're going to find out if Marshall is a lawyer. Barney lists all the government regulations this is going to break. Barney has it all set up to frame his night janitor for the crime they're about to commit. Barney asks if Marshall really wants to go through this. He does. Barney gets on the computer and pretends to break through a firewall, then removing any trace of the software he just used. "You ready to see your future, bro?" he asks. Marshall says, tiny-voiced, "Yeah!" Marshall looks..."It's a DOG pooping on a BABY!" he says, exasperated. Ha. Marshall's really pissed that Barney went through all this to show him a dumb video. Then Marshall looks and thinks it's pretty funny, in spite of himself. Ted walks in, on the phone. He can't get off the phone. He hangs up anyway. Lily and Robin show up. Ted asks if she wants a drink. Robin just wants water. Ted says that's technically a drink. "Really, professor? Is that how water works because I was just gonna smear it on my skin and hope I absorb it," she says. Barney suggests she pour it on her shirt instead. Ted asks what's going on. Robin says he's always correcting people. Marshall and Barney get dual glass-shatters. "You do!" they agree. Robin says this is literally driving her crazy now. "Figuratively," Ted says. He thinks it's annoying that Robin uses "literally" in every other sentence. Glass shatters for Lily, Marshall, and Barney. The dirty secrets! Barney asks if they teach vocabulary in Canada. "They literally don't," Marshall says. Ha. He repeats it again for laughs. Robin tells him to shut up. She says Marshall's always singing whatever he's doing. We cut to Marshall writing a check, singing, "Paying my bills with return address labels from a charity that I haven't given money to." He cuts out a check as Robin looks annoyed. "Writing them a check 'cuz now I feel guilty. The Salvation Army does not fight fair." Lily chews on a chip. Loudly. Cut to Marshall taking his laundry downstairs. "Heading down to the basement today...with my laundry and a roll of quarters!" he sings. He comes back in with, "'Cause I left the detergent and the fabric softener." Glass shatters for Lily and Barney. "The lines are so sloppy," Barney complains.