This week, Robin's talking to her children and telling them all about their father (Barney!) and what happened when she told him she was pregnant. What happened? Well, unsurprisingly, he made a few inappropriate comments and she punched him in the face repeatedly. He presumed that the baby was Kevin's, but Robin and Kevin have not had sex, so that means Barney's the baby daddy. And after last episode's baby-stealing adventure, Barney is thrilled. BUT WAIT. Because this show is just trying to keep us sucked in, Robin didn't, you know, officially find out if she was pregnant before telling Barney, and it turns out that she's not. A fact which both she and Barney are happy about after a trip to a nightmarish baby store where we see the havoc that multiple children have wreaked on Barney's pre-Ted pal, Insane Dwayne.
After all the rejoicing (and some drunken insulting of teen moms), Robin gets a call from her doctor, who informs her that the tests that they ran showed that Robin can never actually have children. She tries to figure out if she wants to tell her friends, but can't deal with all of their reactions and well-meaning sympathy. So, instead, she tells them that she is depressed because she's discovered she's too tall to make Canada's Olympic pole-vaulting team. The gang tries to figure out what's wrong with her, and while Robin wanders a frozen city, we find out that those kids she's been talking to are a figment of her imagination. Still, FutureTed tells us that she did get to fight bulls at some point in her life, and we'll hear about that…. Probably before we ever actually hear about the Mother.
In the asinine B plot, Marshall decides to super-decorate his and Lily's Long Island house with Christmas lights and set it to the tunes of Mannheim Steamroller. But instead, he gets tricked by some bratty neighbor kid and ends up trapped on his roof while the teen has a raging house party inside. Awful.