How I Met Your Mother

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Ten Sessions

We cut right to the exam room. "Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp," Dr. Stella says, "my bread and butter." She thinks it must have involved a bad breakup and some booze. Or a gang initiation, in which case Ted should get a new gang. The sexy guitar is still playing and really stepping on her snappy dialogue. Ted says he thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo and a few weeks later it blossomed! She laughs. She says she can get rid of it in 10 one-hour sessions, but warns that laser surgery is very painful. Damn these frickin' lasers! Ted says he has a high threshold for pain. He says he sat through the worst movie ever made the night before. She thinks it was Plan 9 From Outer Space. Ted says the worst movie ever made is "Manos": The Hands of Fate. Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans, unite! They debate about which one is worse and she sort of invites the idea of a date by saying that Plan 9 is playing at the Pamela Theater. She asks what he's doing that night. Not cool, doc.

We cut to the front of the movie theater. Ted finds Dr. Stella in line. He offers to pay for the movie. Which is cool because she brought her three lady friends. "This is my friend, Ted," she tells them, "he wants to pay." Ted acts like this is a huge problem. Dude, you're an architect. I think you'll manage to swing the cash.

Inside the screening room, Ted looks really super annoyed. He doesn't even get to sit next to Dr. Stella, which seems a bit rude of her. One of Stella's friends asks Ted if something's wrong. Not even whispering, he says he's embarrassed because he thought it was a date. She passes the word down through the friends until it gets to Dr. Stella. She telephones back that he's a patient she's not allowed to date: it's an AMA rule. Before the last person tells him, Ted says he's got it. "We all got it! Ted's a schmuck!" an old dude in the back yells. Ha! This is almost as good as watching the movie with robots.

Ba ba pa pa!

At Ted's tattoo-removal session, Dr. Stella is laughing about what happened, but I don't hear her offering to pay Ted back or to set him up with one of her friends. Ted says it was the worst moviegoing experience ever, but not because of the movie. Ted, who has his lower back sticking out where we can see the purple tattoo, says he'll just wait until the 10 sessions are up and ask her out then. As she moves the frickin' laser closer to Ted, Dr. Stella says her answer will be, "No." Ted says he's getting mixed signals. He asks if she's married, as a boyfriend, is a lesbian or only dates black men. She answers, "No" to all of them. Ted can't believe that 10 weeks from now she'll know what her answer will be.

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How I Met Your Mother

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