How I Met Your Mother

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Ten Sessions

MacLaren's. Robin jokes about what Dr. Stella might have meant by repeatedly telling Ted, "No." Ted is still incredulous. He asks if anyone knows what they might for lunch 10 weeks from now. "Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milkshake," Marshall answers instantly. Barney drops some knowledge: he asks Ted how long it takes a woman to decide whether she's going to sleep with a guy. The answer: 8.3 seconds. I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with Barney here. If you lose those 8.3 seconds, it's an uphill battle, my fellow gentlemen. Barney believes once a woman makes up her mind in those 8.3 seconds, she won't change it. I seem to recall it taking Barney a lot longer than 8.3 seconds to unroll most of his elaborate hit-ons at the bar. Barney asks Ted to describe his first 8.3 seconds with Dr. Stella. We whoosh back to the medical office waiting room. "Lower back butterfly tattoo, you're up," the doctor announces. Ted and a stripper in a tight dress both stand at the same time. Back at MacLaren's, everyone at the table moans. Ted admits it was a rock start, but says he gets better over time. He says he's not a Top-40 song, he's complex and requires multiple listens, like, "Stairway to Heaven." Way over the top, Robin says, "Whoah, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave!" She loves her own joke. Fail! Robin realizes she has the wrong guy and that he's not even dead. Lily, in the spirit of supporting Ted, decides to stop biting her nails. Marshall feels bad because she loves biting her nails. She struggles immediately and wants to bite them. Ted promises to turn Dr. Stella's, "No" into a "Yes." Barney asks how the rest of his first session went. We whoosh back to the exam room to see Ted howl like a very feminine ghost as he is poked with a laser. Back at the bar, Lily says that tattoo removal really hurts and everyone probably sounds like that. We cut back again to show Britney walk in to see what's going on because of all the screaming. Unfortunately, she delivers most of her line on the other side of the door. It's not her fault! Leave her alone! That's just bad directing/editing! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! Britney laughs a little when she sees it's just Ted. She closes the door. Back at MacLaren's, everyone laughs. Ted tries to toast to nine more great sessions.

SagetTed walks us through Modern-Day Ted's next few sessions. At Session Two, he told Dr. Stella about how he spent a summer working with inner-city kids. Session Three, they spoke nothing but French. Hey, just like me! Session Four, she laughed so hard she fell out of her chair. We see her fall out of a chair. Session Five, Ted juggles some balls. Yeah, not such a good fiver. "Still no," she tells him. At MacLaren's, Ted still can't believe the juggling didn't impress. That's more a Session One or Session Two, Ted. Sorry. You don't want to work backward. Barney agrees with me. Ted asks how Barney's magic is any better than juggling. Barney asks if this is lame. He uses a little flash explosive that makes everyone jump. "No fireballs at the table!" Lily tells him. Marshall barks, asking what the Hell is wrong with him. Wendy the Waitress comes by to tell Barney that it's a fire code violation. Lily puts Barney in Time-Out. He has to go sit at another booth. Ted thinks Dr. Stella should be falling for him by now. Lily presents her non-bitten fingernails with a, "Kablamey!" and says she believes Ted can do this. Lily thinks it must be hard to impress when your butt's in the air. Marshall sticks up for baboon asses. "It's called 'presenting,' " he presents. From the other booth, Barney says a you can't change a "No" to a "Yes." Robin thinks persistence sometimes pays off. She says she eventually said yes. Barney says she always answers that they're friends and it'll mess up the dynamic of the group. "To Ted," she answers. Sorry, Barney. Ted says he's figured out the right angle.

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How I Met Your Mother

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