Perhaps this episode would have been better if we were stoned like Ted or wasted like Robin, because stone-cold sober really didn't make this remarkably unfunny episode at all tolerable. And the entire installment makes us hope that Jason Segel is getting paid a crapload of money for next season, because Marshall could almost be replaced by a robot who shows up for about five lines an episode and it would be nearly unnoticeable.
This episode remarks the return of Zoey's ex-husband The Captain (Kyle MacLachlan), but thankfully not Zoey herself as she's busy in Storybrooke. The Captain calls Ted, which makes him flash back to a time about a year and a half ago at an art gallery where Ted thought he was trying to kill him because The Captain was in love with Robin's former co-anchor Becky (a.k.a "Boats Boat Boats") (also aka Laura Bell Bundy), a woman with whom Ted had recently been hanging out.
When Ted finds out that the Captain wants Robin's number, we get Robin's perspective on the same story, which focuses on Ted being entirely high and embarrassing and also involves The Captain trying to get in her pants. Barney is oddly curious and open to this, so long as it means that he may get to bang other women in their marital bed. Yeah, that marriage is really going to last.
Finally, we discover that The Captain thought Robin was Lily, and he just wanted to talk to Lily about art. See, Robin was totally drunk that night and threw herself at The Captain, but Lily actually gave advice on an undiscovered artist, and The Captain made… a boatload of money off the deal. And conveniently, Lily has decided she's disgruntled with being a kindergarten teacher and a mom and wants more from her life, and as such Marshall has told her to quit her job and pursue her dreams. Excellent advice in a terrible economy. Anyway, The Captain offers her a job as his art advisor (and he's not mad that she stole some ridiculous crystal ashtray), which she takes.
The entire 22 minutes of this episode could have been wrapped up in one easy phone call, or an off-handed bar scene with Lily saying, "You'll never guess who offered me a job…" But no, we had to watch all of this, and see Barney desperately try and insert himself into this "crazy" story, as he must be involved in all group outings even though Marshall wasn't there and desperately trying to rewrite history (though maybe Barney actually was there?). No, Marshall was too busy trying to weasel a trip on The Captain's boat, and sell sex with his wife for millions of dollars to worry about trivial things.