Marshall's still mourning the fact that he never again found his burger joint. Another MacLaren's customer pops over the back of his booth and tells him that the place he's looking for is The Corner Bistro. Marshall is almost as annoyed by him as the audience is by this episode. "Oh, oh, The Corner Bistro. Ha! It's amazing. I spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in New York City, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest rated burger in the Zagat Guide. Wow. Thanks a lot, guy. Let me return the favor. For a great cup of coffee? Starbucks. Shhhh." That was... bracing. Marshall's generally adorable even when he's angry, but not this time. Marshall's tried every burger place in the whole city. We see snippets of him and Lily at different restaurants, with a picture of Regis prominently displayed over each table, but they're never the one. It's just like Ted's search for a wife.
Ted reminds him that there was the one time they thought they had a break in the case. Regis and Barney worked out at the same gym, so the guys all went down to ask him if he remembered the burger joint. Flashback to the gym: Regis stops lifting to wax rhapsodic about the burger, but he can't remember the name of the place either, and he's angry about it. I wouldn't think he'd have much of an appetite left after chewing all that scenery. Regis gets rough with Barney, saying, "Daddy needs his meat!" Ew. Mommy just lost her appetite. Great. Now the outline of Regis's man-boobs through that too-tight t-shirt is becoming clear. Quick, someone tell Robin I just found a five-second cleanse. Reeeeeg gives Barney his cell phone number and strict orders to contact him if they ever find the restaurant, and the guys run off, because, clearly, the cleanse is working on them, too. Since the writers ran out of jokes this week, let's try some knock-knocks.
Ada hamburger. Yum yum. You want one?
Back at MacLaren's, Robin responds to Marshall's description of the restaurant. "Green door? Red neon sign that says 'Burger'?" She knows the place. She's walked by it more times than the financial industry has outsourced jobs and then come looking to the American public for a handout. It's on West 12th, right off of 7th. Marshall proclaims he knew it was on a numbered street (don't worry, I have kids, so I have more knock-knocks coming soon) just as Wendy delivers Robin's burger. Marshall grabs it from her, throws it to the ground and declares they're going to have the best burger in New York and that they're going downtown. Robin lets out a little cry, but fails to take a bite out of any of the burgers the gang is abandoning at MacLaren's, or Marshall's hand. It's called survival instinct, Robin. Look it up if you're not too weak. I hope Wendy will put this on their tab, because nobody bothers to pay the bill.