How I Met Your Mother

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Fight Club

Lily and Marshall try to talk him out of it. Marshall confesses he's been in plenty of fights; he's not proud of it. Ted doesn't buy it. When Marshall says he fought with his brothers, Robin and Ted laugh. Barney joins them. "Yes, I'm sure there was quite a rumble in the Eriksen rumpus room." We're treated to a scene of the mental picture this gives the gang, with one of Marshall's brothers praising brotherly horseplay as Marshall takes the role of the Tickle Monster, and another Eriksen boy gives Marshall noogies. This continues until Marshall calls "Timesies" and they stop for a cocoa break. Back at the bar, Marshall and Barney slurp their drinks as if it's hot chocolate, and Marshall shrugs them off.

Ted declares it's clobbering time. When he starts to leave the table, Lily tries to stop him by pointing out that being a nice guy is his best quality. Ted's tone grows serious. "Is it? Because I seem to remember this nice guy getting dumped by his fiancée for a Taekwondo instructor. Look, this may sound crazy... but I think this is an experience I need to have."

The look on Robin's face is priceless. Suffice it to say she is turned on by this new side of Ted, and this does not escape Barney's notice. He decides to go, too. He hesitates, though -- both nervous and wanting to drill into Robin's brain that he's ready to rumble. "Guys, take a good look at this face." Taps plays in the background. "The next time you see it, it will be disfigured in the hottest possible way -- because that's who I am. I'm a man." Robin looks even more turned on, while Barney doffs his suit coat. "I like to fight, mix it up, get all dirty." He hands the jacket to Robin. "Would you find a wood hanger for this?" She takes the garment and clutches it to her bosom.

I am Cindy's complete lack of surprise.

Ted rushes out with Barney right behind him, to find Doug panting in the alleyway while the three booth squatters lie unconscious near overturned rubbish barrels. Barney asked what happened. Doug (still typing Dough) says, "I know, right?" He turns toward his victims. "Who's not looking at my toupee now, HUH?" Facing Ted and Barney he says, "Look at what we did to these guys!" Ted questions Doug's use of we. Doug says, "Yeah, we, come on man, we're a good team." Doug starts to make his way back inside. "Nice work boys, we did it." When Ted insists that Doug did it, Doug snorts. "Okay, yeah, sure. I just beat up three guys by myself." He points at Ted and Barney. "You and you? Free drinks for life," then goes back into the bar. Okay, so there are four things we need to know about Doug, Saget!Ted. He has a violent streak. He's weird about his hair. He is loyal to his regular customers. And? He's batshit insane. It takes Barney about three seconds to realize he can milk Dough's delusions, oh that frigging typo, I'm calling him Dough from here on out. So, anyhow, Barney realizes he can milk Dough's delusions in order to get credit for a fight he didn't have to have. He gives Ted their marching orders. "We are going to in there and tell everyone the legendary tale," (he's so excited he couldn't wait for it) "of how we beat up some guys, and everyone is going to think it's great, and everyone is going to sleep with me again."

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How I Met Your Mother

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