How I Met Your Mother

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Fight Club

Ted seems to have no clue that Robin is everyone, and just points out that the story isn't believable, because they don't look like they were in a fight, so Barney hauls off and punches himself in the eye, and then (although I don't know why Ted didn't expect it) he sucker punches Ted right in the nose, bloodies it, and makes Ted cry (no, really). Barney comforts him as only Barney can. "Oh, that's going to swell up real good. You'll look like Owen Wilson." Barney wants to get back inside to everyone. Ted says they should play the whole incident down. He doesn't want it to turn into a big thing, so of course they return to a big thing -- including an announcement by Dough that they had his back, and cheers and applause from the entire bar. And Robin, who possibly mouths, "Hot!"

I am Marshall's raging bile duct.

Back inside MacLaren's Marshall doesn't believe Barney and Ted were involved in a fight. Ted says, "Um, no, Barney punched me and himself and me in the face, to make it look like we got in a fight. Come on, Marshall!" Oh, nice truthy lie there, Ted.

Robin's sitting next to Barney and practically drooling on him and his blackened eye, which she says makes him look like a badass. "I'm surprised to see you had it in me... you. Had it in you." While this causes Lily to look a bit surprised, Marshall looks appalled and revolted. Barney offers to let her touch it, which she does. He winces, so she takes her hand away with a big smile. "Oh my God, it's warm." We're still talking about the eye, people. They're at the booth. Doug comes over to the table and makes a big deal over Ted and Barney -- giving the whole table free victory drinks -- except Marshall, who didn't have his back. Marshall tries to take the sane high road -- and gets soundly mocked when he tries to tell the guys about his fights with his brothers.

Later, at home, in bed, Marshall rants to Lily. "I hate those guys. Acting like they're the manliest guys in the universe -- like they're Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff." The Hoff? Really? When he argues that he's the real hero for not fighting, Lily tries to get sexy with him. Marshall's too mad for sex. "I'm serious, woman. Put it back in your pants." And you're as adorable as they come, Marshall, but I think you need to study the list and some basic anatomy and physiology, so you'll be more receptive to your cute wife.

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How I Met Your Mother

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