How I Met Your Mother

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Fight Club

To reward his inclination toward non-violence, Lily has Marshall visit her class, to teach some of her more brawl-inclined students that violence isn't the answer. And of course the children think Marshall is a wuss. He and his puppets -- Mahatma Panda and Martin Luther Koala (hee!) -- are disappointed that the children are so naturally bellicose. One little kid accuses Marshall of being too scared to fight. Another kid adds, "You're huge. You must weigh, like, a thousand pounds," completely missing Lily's gesturing for him to cut. Marshall gets defensive about his weight, blaming his sweater, and salty lunch, but he's so damned cute with his haircut I can't see anything wrong with him now, even when he hollers at the kid to shut up. They all start chanting, "Wuss wuss wuss," and the two little Lambada guys from the top of the episode tumble to the ground, wrestling each other as the children cheer them on.

Meanwhile, at the bar, Ted and Barney are making great headway with women, milking the fight they never had. When Robin walks in, Barney decides to put their money where his mouth is, because two guys are sitting at their booth. Of course he thinks Doug will have their back, and of course, Doug's off that night. One of the guys recognizes Ted and then Barney, because they aren't just booth squatters; they're process servers. We never learn their names, so I'll call the first one Jason Dohring the Lesser and the other one -- this generation's Jason "Ears" Behr.

I am Marshall's smirking revenge.

Barney's so relieved they don't actually have to fight, that it takes a bit for him to realize he and Ted are being sued for assaulting Doug's victims. Back at Ted's apartment, they consult Marshall as their legal counsel. Marshall knows the guys are just looking at a small fine or the like, but he's still pissed at them out-Hasselhoffing him, so he lets them think they could be facing prison time. Ted starts to romanticize it. Hey, he hasn't hooked up with a potential mother this episode. He needs to romanticize something. Anyhow, in prison, he could read, write and work out all the time. Barney's less sanguine. "Ted, we can't go to prison. People get shivved in the joint." Ted fesses up that they never threw a punch -- Dough did the whole thing. Marshall slams the table as he rises and shouts that he knew it, and could not be more fey as he wags his finger, and I think his ass -- while asking who the wusses are now. Ted begs for help, but Marshall's still bitter that they mocked him and don't believe he had legitimate fights with his brothers. They must not be too afraid of prison, because this sends both Barney and Ted into fits of giggles.

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How I Met Your Mother

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