Lily and Ted continue to argue, until -- fed up -- he goes out to the kitchen to get another beer, despite the fact that it's morning. This gives Marshall and Barney a chance to revel in their nighties. When Barney notes that he feels a little breeze "down there" Marshall advises him to stand over the heating register. "It's like your junk is on a tropical island." Barney joins him and says, "Little Barney says, 'Mahalo'." Ted returns with his beer, still yelling at Lily. Her only defense is that she cares about him.
Just then a bedraggled Robin, in singed, torn, bloody clothes, enters Dowisetrepla. She's obviously pumped. "I'm so glad that's the one you guys watched." Barney looks at her. "Dear God, what happened to you?" Robin's smile disappears. "You didn't watch my show?" Ooops. We catch sight of Lily sitting on the couch, remote in hand, tuned into a news item involving police cruisers. She quickly shuts it off. When Barney asks what happened on the show, poor Robin says, "Same old, same old." Awww, don't worry, Robin. Barney will have it on YouTube by the morning. Ted then catches her up on the fact that Lily broke the two of them up. Lily explains she never wanted them to break up; she just wanted them to discuss their issues. Her Front Porch Test for them shows them playing Bridge. When he gets a Two-Of-Hearts, Ted makes a bitter comment about the hearts of the two children he never had because Robin hates kids, while Robin whines about the deuce her career dropped after she married Ted. Robin declares, "Bridge, I win" and back in the present, Marshall is very unhappy with that outcome. Hee.
Lily protests that she never knew she was feeding Robin and Ted the words that would lead to their breakup, but the flashbacks show exactly that. Catching each of them alone, Lily asks where they see themselves in five years. There's then a clever cut to Robin and Ted's restaurant conversation in Something Blue -- when they realize they have an expiration date. Back in the present, Ted lambastes Lily (like she deserves), because you just can't manipulate people like that. Never patient with his friends' more emotional moments, Barney breaks in and it seems like he's going to try to mediate, but in truth, he just wants to know how the nightshirt feels in bed, Marshall takes him to his bedroom, to try it out. And that clicking sound you hear is nothing but the keyboards of a million slashers following their latest plot bunny. If you ignore it, it will go away. Robin joins Ted in his confrontation of Lily. Lily plays her hand wisely, and tearfully mentions that if they'd had a worse breakup after a longer relationship, she and Robin might never have become best friends. Robin cries and says, "Don't even say that, okay." Bridge! Lily wins. Ted yells at them to stop hugging. "Lily, you had no right to interfere in my relationships. You got lucky. Okay? You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18. But that doesn't give you the right to play God to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone. You're so concerned about who you and Marshall are gonna end up on that front porch with. Well, you know what? You can have it to yourselves." He stomps off in the general direction of Marshall's bedroom. I say he's going to change back into his street clothes, but the slashers are yelling, "TRICYCLE!" Silly slashers.