Did Jason Segel do something to piss off the rest of the cast? Because having him on this monstrous journey back across the country with Daphne is really irritating. They have made it as far as Wisconsin, and instead of just laying low for the few hours it takes to drive through the state, he is instead being obnoxious and yelling out the window to anyone that will listen that he's not from here. If I were Daphne, I'd have left him on the side of the road. I'd also have driven to a local airport in Wisconsin or Illinois to try and get a flight to New York instead of driving the whole way since it seems perfectly sunny without any weather problems there, but that's just me being crazy. I know this scenario is supposed to be for comic relief, but I'm completely tempted to fast-forward through all of these scenes.
Anyway, in New York on Friday, Lily is still getting sloshed (courtesy of bartender Linus) and finds out that Ted has a bucket list of things he wants to do before he leaves New York. It includes fixing grammatically incorrect graffiti, buying everyone a round of drinks at MacLarens and saying goodbye to the Empire State Building. He's done everything except have a drink of expensive scotch with Barney. He also reveals that Lily's va-va-va-voom rehearsal dinner dress was caught in the fray of one of his and Marshall's Princess Bride sword fights. Eventually we find out that Lily and Robin also had a sword fight which resulted in the bottle of scotch being smashed and the duo replacing the liquid with hand sanitizer and chocolate (which Ted drinks). It's the kind of thing that really is a long way to go just to get Ted to admit that he's nervous about being alone with Barney because of all the "feelings" for Robin, but the pace was fast enough and at one point Ted was in an old time-y bathing suit (though how they got that thing unframed and then re-framed back on the wall so quickly is a mystery to me).
Barney and Robin have heard the bus pull up with their old relatives joking that it is nine steps in, but will take 45 minutes. Pretty much how time goes on this season in general. They worry that when they have been married for 60 years, they won't want to have sex all the time, but at 90-something they should be happy to be alive. So they decide that they need to have sex one more time before the wedding. It's Friday afternoon and they aren't getting married until Sunday, so they have ample time, but it has to be now. They find many a locked door, making a ton of anal sex jokes (seems to be the theme on CBS this week, as there was also one on The Good Wife) and even run into James who sacrifices himself in order to stall the zombie-like horde of old people. Finally they see her great-grandparents having sex and are grossed out, but realize that they can have sex when they are ancient. And I'm just impressed that the elderly people can get up to the third floor of this inn (which doesn't seem to have an elevator) and get settled in their rooms that quickly. Good for them.
Then Ted gets to have his scotch with Barney, but before they can drink (the replacement bottle, not the hand sanitizer), Barney reveals that he saw Ted and Robin at the carousel. Finding out exactly what he saw is the big cliffhanger for next week… if only I cared more. I'm too busy wondering if Mandy Patinkin paid this show to mention his name a thousand times.