It's 9 AM on Saturday and Robin and Barney's mom Loretta are set to lock horns, especially since Robin's sporting the tacky sequined blouse that she won of off Loretta in that poker game that feels like it was a month ago, but was really only a few mere hours earlier in show time. Apparently, Barney's over the whole thing where he wrote off his entire family? And mom has instantly forgiven her son for his actions? Sounds about right.
Robin and Loretta's specific beef comes down to who makes the best scrambled eggs: Loretta or Robin's mom. Since Robin's mom hasn't arrived yet, Loretta goes first and makes such good eggs that the Inn should probably be comping her room. And then Robin tries to make her mom's recipes but can't figure out where the egg opener is and fails. Loretta makes a crack about how Robin will be a terrible mom; cue everyone feeling bad about the fact that Robin can't have kids for a while.
We flash back to when Barney found out, coming out of an underground club that looks far more interesting than anything that's been happening on this show of late. It's sort of sweet, but seems like they're retconning these sentimental moments so that we don't think that Robin and Barney are the worst couple in the world. Robin is even more bummed when she finds out that her own mother won't get on a plane to come to her own daughter's wedding. Why didn't she drive? Marshall's doing it. And Loretta feels bad for Robin and hugs her and we're supposed to feel all gushy inside, but mostly we just feel like we need Linus to bring us drinks.
Speaking of Linus, Lily is keeping him on his toes. She's crushing drink glasses left and right like she's the Incredible Hulk or something. She's pissed about Marshall taking the judge job without asking her, so she's day drinking. This is about the only storyline we can support.
For his part, Marshall is driving through Cleveland with Daphne and the two are fighting. Because of the rain, they are forced to stop at Ted's mom's house for the night. Her hippie boyfriend tries to help them get in touch with their feelings until Marshall and Daphne both decide they hate him and leave him on the side of the road (after he had snuck into their car). Honestly, Cleveland is about an eight-hour drive from NYC, and that's with breaks and stuff… so none of that "it's bad weather talk." I drove from Cleveland to New York in a hurricane and it still didn't take me more than eight hours, so let's get this car a rolling, shall we? No more of this nonsense about how Marshall might not make it when it is Saturday morning and the wedding isn't until Sunday night, okay?
And Roger Bart's back at the front desk making Ted feel bad because he's single. The architect really wants to go see a lighthouse (even though one could argue that lighthouses aren't usually all that architecturally interesting), and Lily drunkenly advises him to take Cassie. While we love seeing Anna Camp, Cassie's a nightmare and it just makes Ted lament the fact that he's alone. He does not, in fact, jump off the lighthouse like we momentarily hoped, but instead realizes that he can come back when he meets the love of his life.
And then we see Ted and The Mother, two years from now, at the lighthouse enjoying the view. She seems to get his love for the quaint locale, and he proposes. I know it's supposed to be this big moment, but I feel like even though we've heard all these stories about all of Ted's friends, we really don't know much about this woman yet, so it's hard for me to be truly emotionally invested. She's the endgame, but she really hasn't been the during game at all, aside from being the gold standard that all of Ted's crappy girlfriends get compared to.