How I Met Your Mother

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DeAnn Welker: D- | 1 USERS: B-
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"I'm Sorry for Wasting Your Time"

That same night, Saget!Ted tells us, Barney and Lily were still fighting about, "Um, something. Or was it that other thing?" Lily finds Barney pigging out at MacLaren's, and he tells her to save it, because he's still mad at her about... you guessed it... "something. Or that other thing." Lily tells him to face it; he's been extra-sensitive lately. He starts crying that he hasn't, asks how she could even say that, and walks off. A motorcycle drives by and Lily pulls him back, saving him. Before you can say, "A motorcycle in MacLaren's? What the...?" Saget!Ted interjects: "Wait! They were on the street." Now Barney has an ice cream cone when Lily pulls him out of danger. Then he tells her she saved him. "You saved us," he adds about him and the cone. He tells her he knows she didn't mean ... whatever it was that made him so mad. Lily thinks she probably didn't. They hug and make up, and Saget!Ted starts to blab about friendship, and also that Lily can't resist getting one last shot in, which we don't hear. Barney: GASP! Saget!Ted changes his story: "The fight was just getting started."

Seafaring music as Ted joins the Captain on his boat. Ted asks where Zoey is, but the Captain says it looks like it's just "you, me, and six hours in frigid international waters." Ted would like to stay on shore, near witnesses, but the Captain laughs and says he's been looking forward to this for a very long time. He moves up and down in a shadow to show smiley mouth, then murdery eyes for the two halves of that sentence. Saget!Ted tells his kids what he does remember is that he was pretty sure he was going to die that night. Which might at least make this episode interesting.

Robin and Marshall's dinner of boredom and awkwardness. Silence. Chewing food. Boredom. Then he tells her about the Mermaid Theory (not that this isn't still boring, mind you). Flash to two years ago, when Marshall had just hired an ugly assistant named Iris. Marshall admits to Barney that she's a little plain, but says he's married, so that's good. Barney tells him that someday Marshall will find her so excruciatingly attractive he won't be able to look her in the boobs. Whatever that means. Marshall watches Iris pick her teeth and assures Barney that won't happen. Fake-flash to Barney's story about how the myth of the mermaids came to be. Fake-pirate Marshall and fake-pirate Barney are on a boat for so long that they see a manatee through their scope that starts to look like a beautiful mermaid (in case you had any doubt about this story's accuracy, you should). Pirate Barney wants to go get some "tail," so he bumps his hook hand to Marshall's fist. Back in Marshall's office, Barney assures Marshall that every woman has a mermaid clock: the time it takes for a man to realize he wants to bone a manatee. Back at the restaurant, Marshall says it took a year, three months, and sixteen days, but then Iris was a mermaid. And Barney was there waiting, to rub it in and ask for the five hundred bucks they never bet. Robin asks if she's a manatee right now, and Marshall says she is. Because the producers of this show made her put on a manatee suit, which is ridiculous. He says she must stay a manatee, since she's Lily's best friend, and she says it's a stupid theory. Marshall tells Robin that being out at sea can do crazy things to a man...

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How I Met Your Mother

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