How I Met Your Mother

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DeAnn Welker: D- | 1 USERS: B-
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"I'm Sorry for Wasting Your Time"

Saget!Ted finally remembers that this is what Barney and Lily were fighting about: the Mermaid Theory. But their argument didn't happen at the same time as this other stuff; he's literally in the wrong year. It happened "much, much later," when Lily was pregnant. Cut back to Barney asking Lily to hang, and she says "Nah." Her reason is that he always undresses her with his eyes, so he assures her that won't happen: "Ever since you got pregnant, you're just a big, fat manatee." Lily: GASP! "You're a big, stupid octopus face!" Saget!Ted's so proud he remembers now. Then Barney saves Lily from the motorcycle, and she thanks him for saving her and the baby she's carrying. Then Lily cries about him calling her fat right to her face, and he sets the beer bottle on her pregnant belly. She gets up to leave, because he's a jerk, but he follows her and tells her that there's an addendum: A mermaid who's become a manatee can be a mermaid again through one simple act: breast-feeding. "Hot!" She's sort of excited: "Really?" He says that when those things swell up to three times their normal size, so does he. Lily gushes that that's so sweet! Then Ted walks in in a green dress and says, "Now we're even." Saget!Ted says that's the ending to a whole other story. "We'll get there." Although I doubt we really will.

Back on the boat, wet Ted is back on board with the Captain, who can't believe Ted thought he'd kill him. He says if he wanted to kill him, he'd invite him to his hunting lodge, which is far more remote and he wouldn't turn up in a nosy fisherman's net. Ted says it's stuff like that, and asks why he talks like that. The Captain says he's just jesting, because he doesn't always bond with Zoey's younger friends, but he knows Zoey really likes Ted, so he was hoping they can be buddies. Ted says they can, but not on a boat. The Captain: "Fair enough. The hunting lodge it is." Ted: FEAR.

Marshall and Robin are arriving back at her and Ted's place, all drunk and sloppy, talking about how much fun they had. Saget!Ted says that Marshall's beer goggles kicked in and he started to see... We see Marshall's vision of Robin the manatee sprouting blonde hair and a seashell bra. Then she vomits, and says he must think she's totally disgusting. He happily tells her he really does. Saget!Ted says they were friends forever after that, and he never worried about her becoming a mermaid again. Zoey meets up with Ted at MacLaren's and admits she wasn't really sick, just feeling guilty that she'd lied to the Captain, so she thought it would be good for them to spend some time together. Ted says that's okay and she was right, because the Captain's a good guy, though he can be a little scary. She says he gets a little "murdery" when he's nervous. Ted: "Yeah. He's a creepy dude." Zoey looks a little offended, so Ted adds, "But I like him." She laughs. Ted wants to make sure their hanging out doesn't cross any lines, and she agrees. He says that if either of them had the slightest feelings for each other, they shouldn't hang out. He asks if she does, and she says no; does he? He says no. Then the camera pans out and the mermaid clock starts ticking.

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How I Met Your Mother

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