How I Met Your Mother

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Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Theme song!

When Ted returns home from work that night, he waves to Robin, who is out on the front stoop, talking on her cell phone. Saget!Ted narrates that he walked into a lot of crazy stuff at the apartment over the years. And here comes a series of flashbacks. November 26, 2004: Lily tries to paint a portrait of two acrobats in a position I can't even describe. July 16, 2007: A chained-up Barney is submerged in a water tank a la Houdini, while Robin and Lily stand by with axes at the ready (Lily looks so natural with a weapon) and Marshall announces, "It's been 12 minutes!" Barney gives Ted an aquatic thumbs-up. December 15, 2006: Marshall and Lily huddle on the couch as Super Canadian Robin holds off two armed robbers with one of her trusty handguns. May 8, 2009: THE GOAT! Saget!Ted says, "But one of the craziest things I ever walked in on was when I lived with your Aunt Robin."

Robin's latest date, Mitch, is sitting stark naked on Ted's couch. Ew! Get it off. Get it off! Ted tries to remain composed as he tells Mitch that Robin should have used their secret signal to indicate she had company. "We put this old take-out menu on the doorknob. The place went out of business. Mr. Wang's. Guess I don't have to explain why that's funny." Ted can no longer bear the awkwardness of the situation and decides to leave. He pops his head back in the door. "When you leave? Take the seat cushion with you. That's trash now." Yeah, I'd just want a whole new couch, and really, who knows where else he sat? Let's refurnish the room, Ted.

On the stoop, Robin is still on the cell phone, selling herself as more than qualified for a job, and she'd better, because she's got to buy Ted a new suite of living room furniture. "My weaknesses? Um... I would say caring too much, working too hard and putting my career in front of my love life. Whoops, that last one was real. What?" Oh man, I hate those interview questions. She mouths "Sorry," at Ted, who gives her a very knowing if awkward look, as he passes her on his way into...

MacLaren's: At the bar, Ted informs the gang that Robin has a new lover named Mitch. Lily shoots that theory down, noting it's been such a bust that Robin's been sending her text messages all night. "She just let him go upstairs to use the bathroom a second ago." Ted excuses himself and hustles back to the apartment, where Naked Man chastises Ted for the interruptions, as he is "in the middle of something here." Would you get a load of the balls on this guy! Figuratively, I mean. As Naked Man rises (to his feet!) Ted holds up his hand so he doesn't have to see Naked Man's business, as he asks what he's up to. Bad ah dah. Naked Man says, "This is my move. It's called 'The Naked Man'... You're on a first date and you've had a few drinks. You make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment. Then, once she leaves the room, you strip down naked and wait. When she comes back, she laughs. She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado -- she sleeps with you." Ted says there's no way that works. Naked Man guarantees him it will work two out of three times. "You just have to pick your spot. The Naked Man is best used as a last resort -- kind of a 'Hail Mary' on a first date when you know there's not going to be a second one." He knows Robin is way out of his league. "I'm not smart, funny or handsome, and as you can plainly see," he gestures to his body, "there is not anything impressive going on anywhere around here. My only shot with a girl like Robin is the element of surprise and -- let's be honest -- a little pity. It's shock and awww." Ted refuses to believe it works. Mitch maintains it will work 2 out of 3 times.

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How I Met Your Mother

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