Fantasy Nantz Interview: Barney's miffed. "I've never touched the stuff. You can test me if you want, Jim Nantz." Nantz apologizes and hastens to introduce the night on which Barney was just "two girls away from... perfection."
Ted's Apartment: Barney walks in on the gang all sitting around the living room, drinking beers and talking. Ted says, "Dude, what are you doing here? Get down to the bar." Barney tells him to relax. He's already six for six. He recounts the conquest: while lunching at Tavern on the Green, he met a Swedish supermodel and landed her in the back of a horse-drawn carriage. Ted smiles. "Awesome." He drops the grin. "What really happened?" Barney: "I had lunch at a Staten Island Chili's and banged a drunk hairdresser. Are you happy, Truthy McGee?" Hee. [I hope it's the weekend, if he's trolling for girls on Staten Island at lunch time, because that's no way to keep your job. Or maybe it was a business trip? - Z]
Barney stomps into the kitchen and heads to Ted's freezer for some ice cream. When he shuts the freezer door, Lily's standing right behind it. An ominous chord sounds as she says she knows he might get fired; he has to talk about it; it's not good to be using meaningless sex as a distraction. Lily, I think you're about 200 women too late for that speech. [Again, 200? Really? More like 200 per year, dudes. - Z] Barney protests that he and "Number 5" had a connection and then demonstrates they had no such thing. Meanwhile, back in the living room, Ted confesses that he's just learned Cook is dropping his class. Cue the jokes. Marshall, "Oh, my God. Poo dropped out?" Robin: "She is flushing her education down the toilet." Ted changes the subject to Dale. Robin argues that it's only been five days. "He's going to call." Marshall asks why she cares if she hears from someone she said was a dork. Robin yells and points her finger at Marshall; apparently, Dale's twice the man he'll ever be.