How I Met Your Mother

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The Platinum Rule

...A title card reads, "Purgatory." 2007 Robin calls herself an idiot. She's complaining about her work romance and how it's completely out of control. Curt is leaving her love notes everywhere, including the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee maker. We cut to the year before when Marshall and Lily were calling themselves idiots for getting involved with the neighbors. The neighbors are being stalkeriffic. They're always there. Marshall wonders if they're ghosts. Lily bangs her head on the table. The year before that, Barney spots a hot girl at the bar. She smiles at him. But Wendy is right there. Barney whines that he can't hit on women in his own bar. He compares himself to a lion in the zoo. He can only mount the lioness because he's neutered and declawed. Ted thinks the metaphor is falling apart. Barney says he's just a docile housecat now. He meows. Lily suggests Barney marry her. "Wendy the Waitress-hyphen-Stinson," Robin says. Marshall tells Barney not to kill the bar. Barney bangs his head on the table.

Apartment. Barney is lecturing that to do a "relationshipectomy," you have to do what you were dreading all along, Step 7...

...A title card reads, "Confrontation." Robin tells Curt they have to talk. She really likes him. Lily and Marshall tell their neighbors they really like them. "I don't like you," Barney tells Wendy, bluntly. Robin says she's getting tired of the whole charade Lily and Marshall say they're getting tired of Charades. Barney doesn't quite follow, but he does say that he'd like to see lady parts, just on another lady. Robin wants to go back to being co-workers. Lily and Marshall want to go back to just being neighbors. Barney offers Wendy the option of a threesome, if she's into that. Wendy thinks Barney is terrified of getting close to someone. Barney offers to go with that explanation. He asks for a gin and tonic.

Apartment. Barney says that normally this would be it, but because you have to see that person again, you come to Step 8...

...A title card reads, "Fallout." Robin introduces Curt on the news. He's very sad. He says the Knicks lost (like always?) and that it's sad because they had a real shot. Curt asks, "Why, Robin?" Robin tries to explain the game, but Curt goes after her for not even trying. "The Knicks suck!" he announces. So true, so true. We cut to Lily and Marshall trying to escape the apartment without the neighbors seeing. They retreat back to their place from the hallway. Somebody's knocking. It's Ted, who forgot his keys. He keeps knocking. The neighbors emerge behind Ted: Lily and Marshall can see it through the peephole. They decide to go out the fire escape. The neighbors are waiting downstairs for them. The fallout for Barney's situation is that Wendy says she has no hard feelings, and that they can still be friends. Barney pretends to agree, but then he throws out his drink, which he thinks is poisoned. He throws out Ted's drink, too. Barney panics. He thinks Wendy is a psycho. He sees Marshall about to bite into a hamburger. He dives in slow motion and knocks the burger away. "Dude!" Marshall says. "You're welcome," Barney tells him.

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How I Met Your Mother

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