Fresh off the BroTP breakup, Robin swears off relationships, vowing to throw herself into her career, so Marshall and Ted tease her that that means she's going to meet her husband. Meanwhile, Barney vows to throw himself into every woman in New York. No. Not at, okay? He warns: "Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCAs," i.e. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With And Never Call Again. Daddy's home, indeed. He breaks out his (leather bound) playbook, which contains every scam he's ever used or hoped to. But when Barney uses the "Lorenzo Von Matterhorn" (details in the weecap) on a woman Lily's been saving for Ted, Lily exacts her revenge by getting an actress-friend to play one of Barney's marks. When he gets the actress back to his place and goes into his room to set up the camera (eww), she steals his playbook and takes off -- handing it off to Lily, who confronts Barney. Lily promises not to publish the playbook on the Internet, provided Barney agrees to no more scams, cons, hoodwinks, gambits, stratagems, or bamboozles (or flimflams). Between that list and MILSWANCAs, you all have no idea how close you came to getting this recaplet in anapestic tetrameter, a la Dr. Seuss. Thank your lucky stars for the recaplet's short deadline and my relative lack of ability, compounded by my intellectual laziness.

Although Barney seems to agree to Lily's terms, he's soon off to play The SCUBA Diver (SCUBA-suited up). The only problem is: that play's not in the book. What follows is a deliciously complicated plot that's not a surprise, but delights just the same. Barney used everyone, without their knowledge or consent, to pull off his final play.

I'll catch you on the flipside with the full weecap, end tag, links to all the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn sites, discussion of Robin's hurty-bits, and all Barney's best plays. In the meantime, don't drink that! I saw some guy slip something in it. Instead, come on over to the forums. We only have beer, and TWoP Barnes uncaps it right in front of you.

Look for the SCUBA Diver, the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn and MILSWANCA to eventually make their way into the HIMYM Dictionary! Sorry, we can't keep up with this show's crazy new slang.