Ted can't believe that the girl just used him for a crash pad, even though she totally just used him for crash pad. Barney blames the tweed for putting out vibes indicating he's neither interested in nor capable of having sex. Ted insists he's not the Sexless Iinnkeeper. Barney says the girl never had any intention of hooking up with Ted. Robin adds, "Which is funny, because usually it's the innkeeper who offers turn-down service." The couple high-fives, as Ted gives them a dirty look.
MacLaren's: Barney and Robin are facing each other in the booth, when Marshall and Lily bounce in and tell them they've booked a couples' weekend for them in Vermont. Their itinerary includes apple picking, antiquing, a haunted hayride and a (6:00 AM) foliage hike. Scott and I would totally do all of that except the hike. Marshall? Lily? Call me. Barney can't take it anymore. He apologizes for dodging their calls and says they respect Lily and Marshall too much, and must tell them the truth. He takes a deep breath. "The U.S. Navy has found intelligent, alien life at the bottom of the ocean." Lily's face falls, but Marshall is all wide-eyed innocence. Barney continues: "And for reasons I can't explain, Robin and I have been tapped to lead the expedition." Lily says, "Wow, Barney, that kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls, when you're too much of a coward to dump them." Marshall agrees. "Yeah, you know, that's exactly what it sounds like." A beat. "But if that's true, that's awesome." Oh, Marshall. Have you met Matt? We'd like to wrap you up in a blanket and take you home with us. Only to eat chocolate pudding. We assure you. Barney nods encouragingly at Marshall, so Lily talks to Robin. "What's going on?" Robin explains that she and Barney are barely equipped to date each other, never mind Lily and Marshall. Barney holds out his hand. "Plus... the alien thing." Lily tells Marshall it's time to go. Marshall turns back to Robin and Barney, his face and voice full of emotion. "You know what? I hope those [he makes low air quotes] underwater aliens are cold-blooded, 'cause then you guys will get along just fine." They leave the bar. Barney looks at Robin. "I think they bought it."
Dowisetrepla: Marshall and Lily cuddle up on the couch and drown their sorrows in ice cream, like you do when you've been dumped. They can't believe what's happened. Lily says, "We're so loveable." Yes, you are. Marshall says, "No we're not. We're ugly and gross." Stop that, Marshall. He starts running through the list of all the things they did "right" -- the Gouda, the waffle story. "I even sent them an awesome photo montage." He catches himself and adds, "Nothing" as he looks away from his wife. Lily says they've been "over and over" that. "You have to stop sending those to people." Saget!Ted interrupts to tell us that for months, Marshall has been documenting events with photo montages (and Marshall singing his own songs), and sending them off to friends and colleagues alike in e-mail. The first montage features a Chinese food delivery mishap: