Once Barney's family is gone, he looks at his friends in wide-eyed innocence. "So, I'll see you guys back at the bar?" And remember when I said my friends and I never would have crashed a stranger's home like this? That's still true. But -- if we were forced to at gunpoint or something, and I then found out my friend was living a secret life with a secret son and wife, nothing but death would have gotten me out of the stranger's house until I had the full story. Okay, except maybe the aforementioned gun. Robin's with me and says, "What the hell, Barney?" Barney says, "Okay, it's a long story. As you know, my father had to leave my mom when I was a baby, because he got hired as the host of The Price is Right." Nice callback, show.
The gang's timing on their response is great. They all nod and speak at once. Robin says, "Oh... yeah," while Lily says, "It was a very good show," while Ted says, "Right... we... forgot," and Marshall loudly and clearly deadpans, "Bob Barker is your father."
Barney continues: "She had to raise my brother and me by herself. And her only wish was for her sons not to wind up alone, like she was. Then, about seven years ago, she got really sick." FLASHBACK to Loretta's hospital room. Barney narrates: "It looked like she wasn't going to make it. So, I decided to make her wish come true." We see Barney and "Betty" at Loretta's bedside. He introduces Betty to his dying mother and tells her they're engaged. FLASH FORWARD to Loretta's living room, where Barney confesses that he hired an actress -- her real name is Margaret -- to play the part of his fiancée Betty so his mom could pass in peace. He goes off on a tangent here about how Margaret mostly does off-Broadway, but she's really good and she coulda woulda shoulda gotten a Tony, but for the politics of it all, which is pretty adorable, not least of all because of NPH's own history treading the boards. There's just one problem with Margaret -- while playing Betty, she tends to go off-book. FLASHBACK to Loretta's hospital room, again. When Barney drives home the point to his mother that he's found someone just like she wanted, she's happy for him, she just wishes she could stick around for grandchildren. "Betty" blurts out, "I'm pregnant!" FLASH FORWARD to Loretta's living room and Barney recounts for his friends his mother's miraculous recovery. Of course he was thrilled by this turn of events, but it meant he had to keep Betty around, and cast a child as Tyler (once he could no longer borrow/babysit his neighbor's son). There's a FLASHBACK to Barney auditioning children and it seems he auditioned some of their mothers, too, because a blonde saunters over to him after he's dismissed auditioning juves, and says, "You said if I slept with you, my son would get the part." Barney doesn't care enough to even look her straight in the eye. "Well, apparently, I'm a better actor than your kid." Hooooo!