Lily says, "So that's what you were being all secretive about? You didn't want us to know you're a big old mama's boy." Barney gives this the you-got-me treatment and tries to hustle his friends out the door when -- whoa mama! -- a pretty blonde walks down the stairs, and Barney introduces her as Betty...HIS WIFE! Betty and Barney? Hee. Now my Simpsons and Beatles earworms are mixing in with my newly acquired earworm of The Flintstones theme song. It goes like this:
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're...
Get back to where you once belonged
The town of Bedrock
Your mama's waiting.
Next, a little boy comes running up behind Barney and jumps on his back. Barney introduces him as Tyler. Did you manage not to think of Ty from The Bachelor? If so, I am interested in subscribing to your program. Barney introduces Tyler as... his son. Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
When we return from commercial, the happy Stinsons are giggling with one another while our gang's collective jaw is busy dust-mopping the entryway. Loretta announces that Betty's going to help her get dinner ready. There's plenty for everyone, so she invites them all to stay. Betty turns to Barney and says, "But remember, you -- only one helping of meatloaf after what Dr. Grossbard said about your cholesterol." I don't think there's going to be seconds, Betty, since a meatloaf for four is now going to be served to eight. Barney aw-shuckses about Betty wanting him to live forever, and she cloys back at him, "Guilty." He and Betty exchange I-LOVE-YOUs and a smooch, then Barney shoos Tyler off to the kitchen with his mom and grandmother, with a playful smack on the bottom. And calls him, "Scamp." I swear I am not making this up. Clearly though, Barney must be, so let's get to the revelation, show.
Once Barney's family is gone, he looks at his friends in wide-eyed innocence. "So, I'll see you guys back at the bar?" And remember when I said my friends and I never would have crashed a stranger's home like this? That's still true. But -- if we were forced to at gunpoint or something, and I then found out my friend was living a secret life with a secret son and wife, nothing but death would have gotten me out of the stranger's house until I had the full story. Okay, except maybe the aforementioned gun. Robin's with me and says, "What the hell, Barney?" Barney says, "Okay, it's a long story. As you know, my father had to leave my mom when I was a baby, because he got hired as the host of The Price is Right." Nice callback, show.