How I Met Your Mother

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Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
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Get Back Home, Loretta

Cut to dinner -- "Betty" is telling the group about how she thought Barney forgot their anniversary, and she stormed out into the backyard, really pissed. Barney says, "Nostrils flaring. Her nostrils flare when she gets mad. I love it." He looks at Betty. "Doing it right now! Doing it right now!" She tells him to "Stop it, Mister," and Barney says, "Sorry, sorry, boo bear. Continue." Then he whispers to Ted, "This is what you're actually like in a relationship." Not wrong. And? It's kind of sweet that Barney's scripting his ideal of Barney-as-husband based on a Ted model. Betty's story finishes with Barney having the whole yard lit with candles, and a string quartet. Glurge. Then Barney tries to prompt "Ty Ty" into telling his grandmother about his recent "nightmare," but Grant can't remember his lines. He tries: "The dinosaur bones in the museum came to life and started chasing me?" Marshall says, "Thanks a lot buddy; I didn't need to sleep tonight." Barney corrects him -- Ty Ty's nightmare was that his Mommy and Daddy didn't know how much he loved them. "So I wanted to come in and tell you it was this..." Barney stretches out his arms, "...much." Ay caramba! Margaret and Ted are no longer at the table, but Loretta says that she's going to go down to the cellar freezer and bring up some ice cream and then set up a sundae bar in the kitchen. Once she's gone, Barney reams Grant for being the weak link in their scene, but Robin jumps to his defense, explaining that it's hard to do a job that's beneath you. She compliments the boy on his story about the dinosaur bones, and Marshall says, "Can we please stop talking about the dinosaur bones?" The big baby. Barney orders Grant to go eat his sundae. Grant says he can't, because he's lactose intolerant. Barney gets really nasty and tells him that Tyler isn't lactose intolerant, so he's going to go in the kitchen with them and enjoy every bite. Loretta returns, and they make their way to the kitchen, only to find "Betty" making out with Ted. Loretta yells, "Oh! My God." Tyler says, "Tyler no likey!" Barney turns on him. "You're not getting the catch phrase." Commercial.

After ad-libbing that he doesn't want his parents to get a divorce, "Tyler" manages to cry and run out of the room, impressing his formerly disappointed fake-dad with his improvisational skills. Meanwhile, Ted decides to work off the acting notes he's just gotten from Margaret -- which also include improvisation, as well as crafting rich back-stories for characters, making matters worse. The scene was such a turn-off, I can't bear to give you details. Suffice it to say he makes up a wild tale about Barney seducing Ted's blind fiancée years ago on a train to Monte Carlo. He then recalls Margaret's advice about not being afraid to get physical, and slaps Barney's face. Twice. Barney can't deal with everyone being off-book like this, so he encourages Loretta to give them some privacy. While Barney rips Ted a new one, Margaret is effusive with her praise of his mad acting skillzzzzz.

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How I Met Your Mother

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