Barney raises his eyebrows. My father used to do that when he was full of it, too. "Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he would have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, 'Hey, Jesus, what up'? And Jesus would probably be like, 'What up? I died yesterday'. And then they'd be all 'Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude'. And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be like, 'Uh, okay, whatever you say, bro'."
Robin scrunches up her face. "Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now." Heh.
Barney keeps going. "And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards." I guess he missed the whole thing about how Jesus was an observant Jew, huh? "No. He waits the exact right number of days: three." Ted promises he'll wait three days if only Barney will stop talking. Like that's ever worked. Barney's on a roll. "Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already." Yep, totally missed the Jewish thing. "They're all in there, 'Oh no, Jesus is dead'. Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched." Barney raises his hand and touches a finger to his hand, in what I think is going to be a nod to the nail prints in Jesus' hands, but oh no. "And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five." Barney looks at Ted and holds up three fingers. "Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story." Robin giggles. I make a note to get on my knees and say an act of contrition, with a side order of: I didn't create it. I'm just reporting it, Jesus. I'm so, so sorry.
At MacLaren's, Ted again promises not to call Holly for three days. And we jump to his apartment, where he decides there was no prohibition against texting. Ted reads aloud as he composes. "I was thinking about you, so I thought I'd send you a little texty text." Oh, Ted. Saget!Ted narrates that current-day Ted was going for charming. The moment he hits send, Saget!Ted explains that he realized it was not cute, but rather, "the lamest thing anyone has ever said to anyone. And the worst thing about texting is that once you send it, you can never get it back." That's why I don't do it. For reals. Current day Ted sees the words Texty Text rise off his cell phone and into the air. He tries to chase them out the window, but it's too late. We see Ted cringing and waiting. A title card tells us that it's 23 minutes later. Ted has just decided he's blown it, when Holly texts him back.