How I Met Your Mother

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A Licky Boom Boom Down

MacLaren's: Marshall finds a letter tucked away inside a yearbook that was in his box o' crap. Fifteen-year-old Marshall wrote it to 30-year-old Marshall -- all full of goals, aspirations, and youthful ignorance of the ugly side of life: student loans, slanty floors and spousal credit card debt. We flash back to 1993. Wee Marshall's got braces on his teeth, a rattail in his hair, and is of course, wearing the overalls. I'm just gonna transcribe this, because it's so cute.

Dear Future Me,

First off, you'd better be driving either a kick-ass Camaro or the A-Team van. That's priority numero uno. And by now your rattail should hang down to your frickin' knees. You can still slam-dunk, obviously. And you've legally changed your name to "Vanilla Thunder." Your wife, let me break it down: blonde, six feet tall, has an awesome rack and caters to your every need. Since Wee Marshall is wearing an expression that... erm... is akin one, um... Frodo wears whenever he wants to put on the one ring, we'll leave him his privacy and cut to...

MacLaren's: Marshall looks at his tiny little wife. "Sorry, babe." Lily raises her glass as she smiles. "That's okay. You just described your mother." Marshall ewws, but Maggie insists he continue. So let's away to 1993 and letter land...

You're still rocking the stone-washed overalls, because this look is working. Oh, and most importantly, you'd better be saving the world. If you became some lame, corporate sellout? Just throw yourself off a cliff, because you suck. And I? Licky boom-boom down. Wee Marshall turns up the volume on his boom box, and Snow's "Informer" carries us back to the present and...

MacLaren's: While the women laugh at his letter, Marshall grows more and more dismayed that he's grown up to be a lame, corporate sellout, working for the most evil (fictional) bank in the history of the world. Maggie tries to talk him down. "Oh, come on, Vanilla Thunder. Everyone's got to grow up and get a real job." Lily agrees and points out that back in college, Maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day and mentor inner-city kids by night. She asks Maggie what she really ended up doing. Maggie nods wordlessly for a moment, then answers: "Those things." Marshall can't take it; he's out of there. When Lily asks where he's going, he says he just has to take care of something at work. "It won't take long." Realizing he might be off to quit his job (which, in this economy, could wreck their future) Lily runs after him. She calls Ted and explains she had to leave Maggie in Robin's care. At Columbia, Ted's class watches his end of the conversation intently. "You left Maggie with Robin?!" And we cut to...

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How I Met Your Mother

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