How I Met Your Mother

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Side-whoosh to MacLaren's. Gael is explaining how in massage, everything is connected. He can touch your foot and cleanse your kidney. He can touch your earlobe and slow your heartbeat. Unholy! Lily is intrigued. Ted says that one time he used warm water to make a guy pee. Ted says he didn't make a career out of it. Gael says "career" is such an American idea. He says his career is living. And windsurfing! And making love! All at the same time! Barney asks how. No, seriously, he really wants to know.

We're gonna need more side-whooshes! Back on the couch, Barney believes Gael is lying about the whole windsurfing-sex thing. He has compiled a list of every vehicle, land-based, aquatic and airborne, on which it's possible to have sex. He says out of those 33 vehicles, he's had sex on 31. Windsurfing board is not on the list. Barney says in order to get to 33, he just needs to do it on a bobsled and the Apollo 13 capsule. Lily says he'd have to break into the Smithsonian. Barney says this conversation never happened. Ted emerges, rubbing a towel on his face. The facial hair is all gone. Awww. I was hoping he'd keep it around a little longer, but then between this scene and all the jokes in Knocked Up maybe it's time we gave beard humor a rest. Ted's ready to go. He says he doesn't want to intrude on Lily's double date. Lily apologizes and says there was a lull.

MacLaren's. Gael is talking about walking under the stars and Lily jumps in with, "Do you wanna have dinner with me?" Marshall is like, "Uh, what?" and almost spits out his beer. "Us?" Lily amends.

Apartment. Marshall declares there was no lull. Lily is forced to admit Gael is a little hot. But it can't be serious because, she says, girls never marry the hot guy. "You did," Marshall says. Lily says she was one of the lucky few. Marshall is trying to take Ted's side. He says that "Male-Gayle" is not their friend and that she shouldn't even look at him. No eye contact!

Cut to Robin and Gael arriving. Wow, this show moves fast. Lily greets Robin, then ducks her head to avoid looking at Gael. He's wearing a white hoodie. Robin asks Ted if she can talk to him for a minute. They go into the kitchen. SagetTed says that Robin meant well, but that she told him she just wanted to make sure he's okay with this.

Cut to MacLaren's, where Ted is bitterly repeating what Robin just said. He rants that they got through the break-up without any lame passive-aggressive moments. He says it was a clean break-up until -- KABOOM! Ted says this is war. Barney gives him a "Standing bro-vation." He starts to give Ted a pep talk and tells him to take a knee. Ted doesn't. As the camera shifts to Barney, he says they're going to get Ted a girl much hotter than Robin. He says Robin is a ten (really?), but that as Ted's wingman, Barney is going to get him a twelve. Or two sixes. Or four threes. Worst-case is they go to Staten Island and he gets Ted twelve ones. Barney turns to Ted and we see Ted making out with Mandy Moore. Only she's Play Trashy Mandy Moore with lots of arm tattoos and a black miniskirt. They're kissing a lot. "Amy," she says. "Ted," Ted says. They kiss some more. "Barney," Barney chimes in. Commercials!

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How I Met Your Mother

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