How I Met Your Mother

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Barney tries to get a high-five from Ted, but Ted is still macking-down. Barney keeps trying for the five, without success.

Apartment. Silence. Robin apologizes for things being weird. Marshall asks why things would be weird. She used to date their best friend and Lily thinks her boyfriend is incredibly hot. Lily has an embarrassed outburst. Robin hopes Ted is all right. Gael tries to rub the tension out of her shoulders. Robin talks about how clean their break-up was, then starts moaning and collapses to the floor. She moans inappropriately. Marshall, tense, asks if he's a licensed massage therapist. Gael says he studied in Buenos Aires and can show Marshall his card. Marshall asks if the card is laminated. It is. Marshall whispers to Lily that the story checks out.

Side-wipe. Barney still can't get a high-five. He keeps calling Ted's name until Ted stops kissing Mandy Moore. Barney wants to bail. This place is dead. Barney says he has the whole night planned out. "Spoiler alert," Barney warns: they're going to go to an after-hours spot so after-hours that it's three days from now. "What. Up?" Barney says, making hand signals. Ted says he's making out with a twelve (really?) and that he's winning. Barney's mad he didn't get to help. Amy comes up and asks who the suit is. Ted introduces Barney. She's Amy. Barney says he won't remember that because she's just some random chick. Barney says they have a schedule to keep. Amy says he can check off "8:54 -- dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids" from his list. Ted laughs at that which seems a little douchey. "Beat it, nerd," Amy tells Barney. Barney calls her Tommy Lee. Barney goes off about the sacred bond of the wingman, but they're making out again.

Marshall in the kitchen. He's serving up some chicken and mutters that it looks a little tense. He starts massaging it. "Ooh, does that feel good, Mr. Chicken?" he asks in a Spanish accent. Marshall says he didn't wash his hands. He takes the plate into the living room. Gael is giving Lilly a massage. Gael says that releasing tension in the neck and shoulders can ease up old emotional baggage. "I forgive you, Mom!" Lily says. Back in the kitchen, Marshall complains that they're supposed to hate this guy. Lily says that's what she was doing. She plans to build him up and cut him down later. Marshall points, back and forth, at her breasts. She's no longer wearing a bra.

MacLaren's. Amy found a friend for Barney and she's stealing a bottle of liquor from the bar. Barney complains that they're known here and are gonna get busted. Amy asks if Barney's tailor leaves extra room in the crotch for Barney's giant vagina. Ted laughs at her jokes again. "You!" Barney tries, "...your...vagina!" Barney wants to leave. Amy offers up her place. Barney says no thanks to "1994 Courtney Love." Amy says she has a hot tub.

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How I Met Your Mother

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