In the first version of Marshall's mugging tale of woe, he is cutting through Central Park on his way home from work. A nervous guy in a bandana (John Dore) points a gun at him. Marshall wisely gives the man his wallet without delay. As Marshall tells his story, Barney echoes everything he says, because he's going to use this as a scam for sympathy sex. Marshall: "Barney, that won't work." A beat, and then he turns toward his wife. "Will it?" Lily: "Big time." Marshall to Barney: "I'll allow it." Heh.

Her libido aside, Lily is freaking out, like you do upon finding out the love of your life was staring down the business end of a gun. She is shaking and afraid she'll be unable to sleep tonight. Robin: "Aw, here sweetie, I have something that will help you sleep." She reaches in her purse and pulls out A HUGE HONKIN' GUN! The gang recoils. Barney ends up perched on the top of the sofa. Robin doesn't let that break her stride. "Just stick this under your pillow. You'll sleep like a frickin' baby." Ted tells her to put it away. Robin protests that it's not going to hurt anyone, but as she says the safety is on, she realizes it isn't, which was so predictable as to take the shine off what may have been the second best scene of the night. Marshall says everyone should just relax. He'd just like to forget this happened and try to move on with his life. Barney continues to mimic him. Marshall ignores it and tries to reassure Lily. Barney rehearses some more, but twists Marshall's words to make them dirty. My paper airplane lands in the fireplace. Lily ignores Barney, and addresses her man. "Baby, you don't have to worry about me. I mean, yes I'm a little scared, but I'm a New Yorker. I'm not going to let this change me." We cut to the...

Firing Range: As Robin looks on, Lily indulges in some target practice. "I'VE CHANGED!" She smiles, broadly. "I'm a gun person now." Hee. Lily's pathetically girlie physicality while shooting the gun is topped only by the little rabbit punches Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy would deliver in her training sequences.

MacLaren's: Marshall is appalled to learn Lily wants a gun. Lily: "Not a scary one. Just a cute, little pink Beretta that matches these adorable strappy sandals I just bought. By the way, our new credit card works." I'll try to remember to address this at the end, too. Marshall trots out statistics regarding gun accidents and reminds Lily how he's always accidentally injuring her. In a series of flashbacks, we see (an oh so young looking) Marshall injure Lily with a champagne cork (after proposing). That's the only incident I recognize, and I don't have time to research. Other accidental injuries include: a sleeping Marshall hitting a sleeping Lily in the face; Marshall opening the fridge door and banging it into Lily's face. In the last two flashbacks, Marshall and Lily dance, until he sends her flying across the room (we hear a smash). Cut to a cowboy-costumed Marshall admiring himself in a smashed mirror. He's startled by Lily who is wearing a Scream-esque scary costume, rather than the sexy cat costume he expected. Before he realizes it's just Lily, Marshall punches her in her masked face. Back at MacLaren's, he can't believe she wants to bring a gun into that equation. He's got a point, and a pretty good right hook. Lily understands, but she's too freaked out by the accident. She can't imagine what she'd do if anything happened to him.