Barney tells Ted he only thinks the Arcadian needs to be saved because of some girl, and, "seriously, boobs?" Ted says it's about the building, not the girl. Barney wonders what Zoey thought when she found out Ted's the architect of destruction. Marshall and Barney fist bump to that one. But we already know weakling Ted didn't tell her. Instead, he lied that he was a veterinarian. Barney says this is "classic Mosby, changing your personality to fit some girl." Ted protests, so we cut to a bunch of scenes of Ted in various costumes going to hang out with his latest love interest: adrenaline junkie, Civil War re-enactor, wizard. Barney takes a cell phone picture of that last one. Ted points out they all change for the people they're with, and it's not pretending to like something for the other person; it's realizing you like something because of the other person. Ted asks if GNB really put snakes in the Arcadian, and Barney scoffs, but then says they were technically eggs. When Ted asks, Barney doesn't recall saying eggs.
Double date time. Max is talking about his job, but we get to go inside Marshall's head where all he can think about is "small penis, small penis, small penis." Robin thinks it's cool that Max started his own practice, but Max says it's a pretty small law firm. Marshall finally jumps in, saying it's not that small probably, and, anyway, it's how you use it. Robin wants Marshall to move on, but Marshall says it's probably bigger than Max thinks. Max says everything about it is tiny, even the staff. Robin: "Let's order!"
Ted's mustering the courage to call and tell Zoey the truth when she shows up at his door. She needs his help taking care of some bunnies (since he's a vet, remember) that she liberated from an evil cosmetics company. Instead of the truth, Ted asks her to let him run up and get his bag of vet supplies. Back on their double date, Marshall's going overboard in being nice to Max. He's buying his dinner because he just wants him to be happy, then he hugs him. Max goes to the bathroom, and Robin says he's acting like he has six months to live. Marshall says it's their fault for their "salty sailor talk." Robin wonders about locker room talk, but Marshall says people are just trying to get out of the locker room as quick as they can, except that one old guy who's letting it all hang out. Thank goodness for strategically placed locker doors. Lily asks if Marshall's trying to say guys don't talk about sex, and Marshall admits they do, but they say: "I hit that." "I got some." "I tapped it." "I squeezed those." Discreet and efficient. Robin adds "classy." Marshall says he'd kill himself if he thought Lily talked in that detail about their sex life. Robin and Lily exchange awkward glances, and Robin admits she knows about Marshall's need for traction.