Ted has new upstairs neighbors who haven't stopped having loud sex since the moment they moved in. It's driving him and Robin crazy. Saget!Ted doesn't want to get explicit with his kids (um... since when?), so he substitutes bagpipes for sex in his narration. And that's nearly all there really is to say about that, because it was a vapid B-plot.

In the A-Plot, Barney has decided that since he was the perfect single, he's now one perfect half of a perfect couple, and starts giving unsolicited relationship advice -- to Marshall, of all people. And despite Ted's efforts to serve as the voice of reason (e.g. diagnosing Barney with N.R.S., i.e. New Relationship Smugness) Marshall can't resist the siren song of "Barney Stinson's circus tent of funhouse mirrors and flawed logic." He informs Lily he will no longer be washing his dishes as soon as he finishes eating, which kicks off a multi-pronged, multi-day argument about everything from in-laws to Lily's impersonation of the kid from The Shining. Meanwhile, Robin and Barney go away for a ski weekend and come back cloyingly smug and happy. Or do they... Ted doesn't buy their act, and when he goes to tell his neighbors that their "bagpiping" is too loud, he finds an elderly couple, and is so impressed by their... er... vitality, that he can't bring himself to air his complaint. But the visit gives him an epiphany: he visits Barney's downstairs neighbor who confirms that Robin and Barney fight all the time. Ted and the neighbor confront the Smugs at MacLaren's. Contrite, Barney and Robin go to see Marshall and Lily and confess their relationship angst. When Marshall and Lily realize that their own arguments pale in comparison, order is restored, and they are once again the world's best couple. Hooray!

Quotes of note:

Marshall (to Barney): "I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but... thanks for your concern, Rook."

Barney: "There are so many great things to do with the human mouth. Why waste it on talking?"

I'll catch you on the flipside with the full weecap, including the stealthy Slap Bet and the end tag, timeline questions, characterization critiques, and a look at what Saget!Ted actually tells his kids. In the meantime, save your mouth for other things, and let your fingers do the talking in the forums.

Then add NRS to the HIMYM Lexicon!