We're back to the very choppy days of last season this week, with a directionless episode about Goliath National Bank making PSAs about how much it cares. Barney makes one. New incompetent guy Randy makes one. Bob Odenkirk (Bossman Arthur) makes one. But Marshall refuses. He just can't be one of the GNB liars, and he will never ever fire anyone. But Randy really is incompetent, and he keeps shredding valuable contracts. So, eventually, Marshall lets him go. After a dream in which Randy shoves himself down the shredder, Marshall begs Arthur to let him rehire him, so Arthur does. The catch is that Randy was super-excited to be fired with severance because he wanted to use that money to start brewing his own beer. The unfortunate thing is that he names it Wharmpess (say it aloud), which is his last name. He tries hard to get fired again, but Marshall won't do it until he tastes a bottle of delicious Wharmpess.
Speaking of warm piss, Robin has a secret, and Lily wants the poop. She assumes Robin's slept with someone they know, and eventually decides it was Randy. Ultimately, though, Robin admits there was no mystery sex. She actually made a commercial to compete with her annoying co-anchor Becky's own commercial. Robin's was about adult diapers, and she was the one peeing herself. She hopes they'll choose not to run it and the gang won't see it, but Saget!Ted tells us from the future that the commercial will run for seven years. Also: Ted's stuck dealing with Zoey again, after she joins his class to turn everyone against him and his new GNB building (am I the only one who thought he quit teaching to take the GNB job?).
Discuss this episode in our forums, read our HIMYM dictionary, then watch Barney's video resumé, below.
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Ted's teaching (apparently he didn't quit that job to take the one at GNB; who knew?) in a hot dog suit for Halloween, and his students love him. They call him "Professor Bro-sby" and tell him this class is a treat. Cut to Ted (still hot-dog-suited up) at a Halloween party with the gang. Lily is a bullfighter, Marshall's a bull and Barney's bad guy Johnny from the original Karate Kid. Lily mocks Ted for having students in his class who are such kiss-asses. Barney loves this GNB party, which is just the show's way of wasting him to tell us what kind of party this is. Then a guy named Randy, who's dressed as a lobster, comes in, calls Marshall "boss," says he brews his own beer and asks about Robin. Since she might come by later, Randy, who has a giant crush, is going to go ahead and stay. But we won't, and instead cut to Ted, Marshall and Barney watching the next morning's Halloween walk of shame. There are jokes about people's costumes: "She was a busy bee." "That French maid didn't turn down someone's bed." "Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees." (Even Barney and Ted seem offended by that last one, courtesy of Marshall.) Then they see Robin walk up in a nurse's uniform. She "Ah, crap"s at their delight.
At MacLaren's later, everyone's grilling Robin on who she was with, but she won't talk about it. Instead, Saget!Ted tells us how professional Robin is at her job, while her new co-anchor Becky does commercials. Cut back in time to work, where Robin asks Becky if she doesn't want to be a professional journalist. Becky: "No. I'm cute." Back in MacLaren-land, Ted tells Robin she can't worry so much about being liked, but then again, everyone in his class loves him. But he's also designing the new GNB headquarters, and Zoey and her protester friends are still outside taunting him every day. Zoey yells at him, and he reacts without emotion: "Boo-freakin'-hoo." Then he tells her she knows nothing about architecture, and that he's the one who's a professor and stuff.
Saget!Ted helps us awkwardly transition by telling us GNB wasn't popular, which is why they produced a feel-good commercial every year. This one has Barney caring about recycling, Randy caring about old people, Arthur and his puggle Tugboat caring about high-yield off-shore investments. But Marshall doesn't care about anything, at least not in a commercial, because it makes him feel like a hooker. Randy comes in to lend Barney support, since he was in the commercial. Marshall wonders about some contracts Randy was supposed to send to the downtown office, but Randy thought "send them downtown" was an expression for shredding a document. Marshall yells, so Randy says he can fix this and runs off. Barney likes that there's no quit in Randy, then says Marshall should fire him. Marshall says that's why he won't be in the video; GNB doesn't care and treats people like they're disposable. Last week, he was with Arthur when he fired someone for wearing a green tie on the same day as him. "Marshall Eriksen," Marshall Eriksen says, "doesn't fire people. Period." Just then, Randy comes in and shows Marshall how very shredded the contract is, then answers Marshall's phone and knocks everything off his desk onto Marshall's lap in the process. Randy runs out and things continue to fall around Marshall. Jason Segel stifles laughter and repeats to Barney: "Period!"