When the people at Laser Tag freak out because Barney won't back off of their kids, the manager -- McCracken -- summons Barney to his office. And his reaming-out of Barney turns into your typical jaded-old-black-cop vs. young-rogue-white-cop dialogue, so I'll save that for the weecap. McCracken gives Barney one last shot, which of course, Barney blows in 30 seconds.
Back at Ted's, Barney catches the gang up on his troubles. Barney wants Ted to help him break into the laser tag place, after hours, and T.P. the place. Ted's all, "I'm too old for this. I always was." He informs his friends he's adding this to the "Murtaugh List", which he uses to remind him of stuff, like he should never pull an all-nighter. [Note to editorial staff: That settles it; Ted can't recap.] Ted's point is that there's a metric ton of stuff you'll do in your 20s that you're way too old to do in your 30s, and Ted has named this list after Danny Glover's Lethal Weapon character, Roger Murtaugh, because he was always saying, "I'm too old for this shit." Although Ted says stuff because it's network TV, yo, and while they can apparently hurl douche around with impunity, shit is somehow beyond the pale. Anyhow, Ted and Barney make a bet. Barney eyeballs the list and says it amounts to "a pretty fun weekend." Ted counters, "If you did everything on that list, you would die." Of course, Barney says, "Challenge accepted," even though it was nothing of the sort. Barney wagers that he can accomplish everything on the Murtaugh list in 24 hours. If he wins, Ted must T.P. the laser tag joint with him. If he loses, Barney will listen to Ted lecture him about architecture for three hours. Once it's a bet, Barney's off and running. He pierces his own ear, which gets infected. And when he moves a futon into Ted's and sleeps there for a night (instead of in a hotel room) he throws out his back.
In the B plot, Marshall takes over as coach for Lily's kindergarten basketball team, and let's just say their... philosophies differ.
In the C plot (or at least, the counter to the A plot) Ted educates Robin on the glories of old age, after Barney and Robin give Ted a list of old-man stuff he has to do before Barney's 24 hours is up. The stakes, they are upped. If Barney wins, Ted not only has to help Barney T.P. the laser quest place, he has to buy the toilet paper. Similarly, if Ted wins, Barney must subject himself to six (not three) hours of architectural education at Ted's feet. While at a rave with Robin, Barney (in a hot pink wig!) gives up. But when he comes back to Ted's, Ted confesses that old age isn't all it's cracked up to be either, and leads the charge for their T.P. assault on laser tag. And, as you'd expect, Barney gets banned for life.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then add "Murtaugh List" to our recently-updated-and-yet-still-magically-incomplete HIMYM dictionary!
Okay, so this is breaking news to me, but will be old news once we publish, and yet? I am compelled to start the weecap by sharing that our very own Lily Aldrin -- Alyson Hannigan -- and her husband Alexis Denisof, are pleased to announce the birth of their daughter, Satyana Denisof. The little heiress to both acting chops and fetching good looks was born Monday, March 24, 2009, which was Alyson's 35th birthday (and my husband's birthday, not that that matters to you all). Oh, Aly! Blessings on all your pretty heads. And as one mom to another, I'm just going to suggest you don't read the New York Post's blog entry about your joyous news. I have this strange feeling that maybe it's not such a good idea to piss you off.
Right. Show time! Barney enters Ted's apartment, moaning to Ted, Robin and Marshall that they won't believe what happened last night, at Laser Tag. Ted says, "People freaked out because a creepy man in a suit wouldn't leave their kids alone?" Barney wants to argue, but has to cop to the truth. And we flash back to...
Club Laser Tag: There's a bunch of 8-year-olds fighting fierce, and then there's... Barney. He scoops up a kid and uses him as a human shield while he departs into a more sheltered area of the club. He emerges without the child, whom we hear yell, "Ow! My shoulder!" But this is war. Barney will not be distracted, at least not until Uriel comes out and summons him to his office. By "Uriel" I mean actor Robert Wisdom, who I guess played a rabbit or something on some other show, I think it was something called The Wire. Ever heard of it? On HIMYM, Wisdom plays McCracken which is a great name, isn't it? Imagine it said with a good Scots burr. I bet people don't call him "McLellan" by mistake.
McCracken's Office, Club Laser Tag: McCracken, manager of Club Laser Tag, chews out Barney. "Disorderly game play, three counts of shoving, and now this? Stinson, you're a liability!" NPH has already slid into the role of rogue cop. "I know I don't play by your precious rules, McCracken, but, damn it..." He slams both hands on McCracken's desk. "I get results." McCracken tries another approach. "Look, you're a good Laser Tag player. Maybe the best I've ever seen. But one of these days, you're gonna get someone hurt. Maybe even yourself." Barney tells him he just forgets what it's like out there. "You've had your fat ass stuck behind that desk for too long." Dean Winchester would totally approve, he'd also work in something about him being "junkless," but he'd approve. McCracken's fed up. He tells Barney he's out of there, and orders him to hand in his gun and ID badge. Barney says, "With pleasure!" He slams both items on the desk and storms to the door... then stops, turns around and begs for another chance. "Please don't do this. This game is all I (sic) got!" Besides, he's almost won enough tickets for the remote-control helicopter. McCracken gives him one last chance, and a warning: "But so help me, if you so much as step one toe out of line, you're gonna be playing Duck Hunt in your mama's basement so fast it's gonna make your head spin. Now, get out of here!" Barney gets right in his face, so close they could kiss with no effort, and whispers, "You won't regret this." Thirty seconds later, Barney's got his foot on the chest of a little kid who's lying on the floor and is laughing maniacally as he gives new meaning to the term overkill. The lights come on, McCracken emerges from his office, and Barney's banned for life. He falls to his knees and looks upward as he screams, "Noooooooooooooooooo!"