Once You Know Who (YKW) is gone, Ted says maybe there are just too many dating options these days -- and that's why it's so hard to meet someone. Ranjit brags that he never had that problem, because his marriage was arranged, and he loves his wife more and more every day. Marshall nods. "It is true. It's very rare that two people and fall madly in love, like..." he looks at his wife, then quickly adds, "Robin and Don." Robin says she and Don are not even going out, they're just hanging at his place. When the gang hoots, she explains that he asked her to come over for a party. The gang tries to explain the difference between a date and a party invite -- but I'm on Robin's side, because I remember when Ted held umpteen parties in a row, just to spend some more time with Robin. Anyhow, Robin refuses to think Don didn't ask her on a date. Marshall teases that's because she wants Don to ask her on a date. Robin erupts. "No, I hate Don. I--I--I can't stop thinking about how much I hate him. It's like all the time. I just want to attack him and rip his stupid clothes off, and start spanking him with his little paddle until his bum's all red." A beat. "Shut UP!" She stomps up to the bar. We'll just leave that mess as is.
Ted says that (Robin's scene) is what free will gets you and he's done with it. "I want what Ranjit has. I've spent my entire adult life looking for the perfect woman, and I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet." Oh, Ted if I weren't already taken, I think that would have just won me over. I'd even take bathroom duty, if he'd just take care of the laundry and dusting. "I need someone else to find me that woman. Marshall, Lily -- arranged-marriage me." Marshall and Lily look like they've just won the lottery. YKW walks by in the background clicking through text messages and freaking out. Commercial.
Marshall and Lily can't believe their luck. Marshall asks Ted if he's sure. He is. There are two sides to dating -- picking and getting picked. He sucks at the former, but is good at the latter. "Ladies love Teddy Westside." Marshall points at him. "You're waiting for me to comment on your 'self-assigned nickname'." He pauses for a moment. "Well here's my comment: I LOVE IT! [...] Teddy Westside? Continue!" Teddy Westside continues, saying Marshall and Lily are the best pickers he knows -- they picked each other. Aw. He tells them to get out there and find him a girl. They can double-date on Valentine's Day, and Ted will marry her. "If she's cool with it -- and she will be, 'cause I'll wear my nice blazer." Marshall nods. "I love that blazer... almost as much as Robin loves Don." Robin protests, so Marshall says that the part of the brain where hate lives is right next to the part, "that makes you want to jump people's bones. The two responses are so similar, it's hard to tell them apart." Did anyone else flash to Turk and Carla in Scrubs: Baby, are you angry when we have sex. Yeah. That was a funny episode. Ahem. Ted breaks in. "You know what it's like? I have to get a book. Give me 30 seconds."