Back in the apartment, Ted asks how many more messages he left. Marshall says there are 17 more. We see Ted ordering on the Garrido tab and Ted telling Ashlee he wants to hook up and never see her again. He seems a lot less charming being so drunk. The last flashback is Drunk Ted telling Garrido that there's a simple explanation, calling him "Brah" and getting clocked in the eye again. He falls to the ground. SagetTed bums out about how bad things were and how sometimes to realize how skewed things are you have to see things crooked. The camera goes crooked on lying-on-the-floor Ted to make the point.
Cut back to the apartment. Ted says that was hard to listen to. He thanks Marshall. He says Marshall yelled at him and was very firm. He says Marshall is very sexy when he yells. Marshall says Ted is ruining a nice moment. Ted thought they were going to kiss. "Ted. Seriously. I'm married," Marshall tells him. Ted chuckles. Ted says that architecturally speaking, the slanted floor is going to be very expensive to fix. Marshall knows this already. He says it'll take some time. For now, they're stuck at the apartment with Ted. Ted is actually very happy about that. Ted gets up to go get his phone.
SagetTed winds up the story by saying that The Mom was at the party, he just didn't meet her. He says it's good because if they had met, she wouldn't have liked him. Ted didn't like himself much. But tomorrow had arrived. Ted walks down the street. He goes into the club, which is a complete mess. A guy is cleaning. Ted moves stuff around looking for his phone. He doesn't find it anywhere. He looks out and it's raining hard. He goes back in and looks around. He sees a folded-up yellow umbrella. SagetTed says that his luck was about to change. We see Ted walking out in the rain holding the yellow umbrella.
Epilogue: Barney emerges from the trash behind the club in his green suit. He stands up blearily, spitting. "I'm awesome," he declares, and walks offscreen.
Next week: Britney!