At MacLaren's, the group is stunned. Barney breaks the tension by letting Marshall know he's called shotgun for eternity for Ted's car.
Ba ba pa pa! On fi-yah!
Back at the bar, Barney can't believe that Marshall cried in front of his boss. I totally did that once. I got in trouble for sneakily upgrading a work computer (trying to improve it, I swear!) and got chewed out and almost fired and I ended up in one of my bosses' offices, blubbering about how I was just trying to do my job more efficiently and asking for Kleenex. Believe me, it was mortifying. And my boss wasn't even Bob Odenkirk. Although that would have been kind of awesome. Marshall says plaintively that he felt like he was a little boy being yelled at by his dad. "Is 'Boy' the right word?" Robin snarks. Barney almost spits up his beer. Marshall says he felt powerless, flaccid, castrated. For some reason, Lily is totally turned on by that. Marshall says the worst part is that tomorrow, he has to go to Arthur's office and hand in The Ninja Report. Everybody still thinks it's cool. "Ninjas are cool," Barney says. Have you ever been to a Ninja Parade? Marshall asks how he can face that guy. Obligatory dream sequences follow.
Robin explains what she would do. Robin, hair down and wearing a business suit and skinny tie, walks in as Marshall. Arthur, not noticing the difference, asks if she's got The Ninja Report. She does. It's a gun she places flat on the desk, pointed at Arthur. Action music plays. She says it's going to blow him away. Scared, Arthur says he has a family. "We're good?" she asks. "So good," he replies. She asks why he's still in her office then. Arthur runs out of his own luxurious office. Back at the bar, Robin is all grins. Ted explains that that may be the crazy Canadian gun violence way of doing things, but that in America, we use words, not guns. Juxtaposition!
Ted proposes giving a Lincoln-like eloquent speech. Marshall says it's not so easy to give a big off the top of your head speech. Ted asks Marshall to, "Observe." Which he really can't, but we can. Marshall, in the same suit that Robin was wearing, gives a long-winded speech about justice and fundamental rights. He stops his speech to correct when he said, "Fundamentally paramount" since it can't be lowest and highest. "You are nailing this," Arthur reassures him. Ted talks about human rights. He stops again. Arthur keeps trying to get him to go on. "For the future!" Ted finishes, making no sense. Arthur tells him he stuck the landing. Nevertheless, he's called security and they will be roughing Ted up on the way out. Nice speech, dork!