The story is interrupted by Robin piling in to Ted's car holding the biggest ice scream scoop on a cone ever. She wants to hear the story. She offers Ted a lick. He asks the ice cream cone is big enough. "Uhhh, it's delicious enough," she answers. I wish they wrote Robin this well every week. Side-whoosh to the diner. Barney is trying to convince Marshall to yell at the waiter. The waiter brings the food, remarkably quickly, with an, "Enjoy, my friends." Marshall tentatively tries to say that it's not what he ordered. Marshall tries to be stern and to say that as the customer, he is always right. The waiter ain't having it. He yells at Marshall that he's at the end of an 18-hour triple shift and that he's going to go home to get yelled at by his wife for never being home. Even Barney is like, "Daaaayum!" "No! No! You eat your damn meatloaf!" the waiter yells. Awesome.
Story interrupted again, this time by Barney jumping into the backseat with Robin (calm down, it'll happen) and smoking a giant cigar. "Sweet! Can I get a toot?" Robin asks. I don't know. Is it delicious enough? Ted freaks out about car rules. Barney says the cigar is Cuban and people pay to have their cars smell like this. "Well, that's just not true," Ted groans. As Barney and Robin argue again about shotgun, Marshall yells that he's trying to tell a life-altering story. He continues. Outside the diner, Barney is pulling Marshall into an alley after Marshall left a 20 percent tip. Barney offers to take the yelling. Marshall weakly tries. It's awful. He tries to get personal by saying Barney doesn't look as good as he thinks in suits. He calls Barney's mom a slut. He says Barney and his brother clearly have different fathers because Barney's mom is a "Slutty slut." Barney tells him to keep going. Marshall yells that Bob Barker is not Barney's father. Barney pretends to be hurt by that, breaking Marshall's momentum, but he was totally playing. He tells him to keep going. Marshall yells that Barney was abandoned and can't feel anything and that if he continues on this path, he's going to turn into Barney. The yelling cuts to Marshall giving the same speech to Arthur. "This is not why I became a lawyer! This is not the person I want to be! I quit, Arthur, I quit!" Arthur says he needed to hear that. Because now that Marshall has quit, they don't have to pay him a severance package. "Security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out," Arthur says. Bravo, Arthur. Bravo.