GNB; Barney's Office: The phone buzzes. Marshall's all excited that Ted texted back. He reads, "'I probably shouldn't tell you this. I mean we barely know each other. But what the hell, I'll just say it'." Barney interrupts -- because he's so excited to finally hear the 'I love you'. Marshall sighs. "I wish Stan were here." Barney repeats Stan's name with stars in his eyes. The phone buzzes again when the rest of the text comes in. Marshall continues: "'I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend'." Commercial.
Barney re-reads the last text: "'I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend'." Marshall says, "Why in the world would Ted text a girl he barely knows that he sometimes has gay dreams about me?" I'm just going to transcribe the rest of this bit, because it's spectacularly well done, and so refreshing to see a gay joke played this way, rather than in the icky-poo-cooties way we so often get on TV. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Supernatural.)
BARNEY: Whoa. Whoa. Slow your roll. You? He's clearly talking about me.
MARSHALL: Dude, it's me. I'm his best friend.
BARNEY: Okay. One: that has never been proven; Two: If anyone were to have gay dreams about one of us, it would be me. I mean, look at me. Now look at you. A still-in-the-closet 80-year-old wouldn't be into that mess.
MARSHALL: Here's the thing, Barney. I'm snuggly. You're not. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in a comforter, and it's raining outside, and there's muffins warming in the oven...
RECAPPER: SOLD! (Are you wearing your nightshirt?)
MARSHALL: I'm cuddly, bitch. Deal with it. [He rises to his feet.]
BARNEY (also rising): I work out every day. If there is one thing we know about Ted, it's that he likes a nice body. This body would rock his world.
MARSHALL: Ted and I have a history. I know what he likes. There are things I could do to him that would blow his mind... [A beat] Why do we keep trying to have sex with Ted?
BARNEY: I don't know. It's weird.
MacLaren's: Barney and Marshall are still arguing about which one is more Ted's gay-type, but this time, in front of Robin. Robin's still hung up on her revenge scenario. "Who cares? So Ted has gay dreams about one of you guys. It's not like you found out he has three months to live. That's like BWAAAAAAAH, shocking, right?" Finally Ted comes in and Marshall addresses him as his "best friend of 12 years." Lily says NOTHING because she's not there. That's okay, though, because now that Ted's onto the guys' prank, he can have a little fun. He mentions he had a crazy, embarrassing dream the other night. Barney assures him "this is a safe space" and Marshall nearly preens as he blathers about Ted's feelings being perfectly natural. So, Ted proceeds to tell them a half-hour long dream about having dinner with his five favorite architects. "Frank Gehry slides the check over to I.M. Pei, and he says, 'Buddy, tonight, your name is I.M. Paying.' Buckminster Fuller almost did a spit take." The guys look at Ted expectantly, so he adds, "And then I woke up."