Cut to Lily and Robin doing floor stretches on big blue mats. Robin is wearing biker shorts, an unflattering yellow headband and a loose muscle shirt. And no make-up. She comments on how great it is not to have to dress up or make herself pretty for the gym. Ted, standing nearby, says they're meeting their friend Robin at the gym later and he hopes this girl doesn't hate her because she's hot. "Shut up!" Robin says. She asks Lily to tell Ted the same. "I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard, do we know each other?" Lily snarks. Barney, suited up spiffily, comes up to Ted. He pauses to tell Robin, "Oh, hey, dude, I'm Barney."
Side-whoosh to Barney at the smoothie bar. The woman behind the counter is a woman named Rhonda. Barney introduces himself as being from Staten Island Boulevard. She doesn't seem to remember him. Side-whoosh back to Barney telling Ted he can't believe this woman doesn't remember him. "I lost my virginity to her," he says. Everyone looks. I wonder if that's what this episode's about! Ya think?
Ba ba pa pa! Now with one fewer slap to anticipate.
The bar. Marshall is complaining that Trish made him do 70 push-ups but only gave him credit for 10. Then he had to do 100 sit-ups. Then he cried, due to her words. Aw, Marshmallow. Barney sits with a sigh. He's wearing quite the flashy midnight blue suit. He can't figure out why Rhonda wouldn't remember him. Ted thinks maybe since it was Barney's first time, it wasn't so good. Barney assures him that he rocked Rhonda's world. Barney engages Storytime Mode.
Side-whoosh. The year is 1998. The year I met my wife. Hey Lilly Grace, if you're reading this, remind me to tell you the story of how I met your mother. Barney, in his hippie, goateed mode, is still with his college girlfriend and they were saving themselves. Sucker! We replay the time when Barney got dumped. He says in voiceover that he was 23 and still a virgin. He says he went to his brother, James, who knew everything about girls. "Your gay brother James?" Robin asks. Barney says this was before he was gay.
We cut to Barney sitting on a coach next to his brother, Wayne Brady. Wayne's got on a beer hat (awesome), and there's a giant glass bowl of Cheetos on the coffee table. Elegant. Barney, with the stringy hair, is crying and blubbering. Wayne Brady suggests that Barney find a girl and have sex with her ASAP. Just don't choke a bitch! Wayne Brady only suggests that on basic cable shows. Blubbering Barney says he's scared. Wayne Brady understands. He says it's "gross. Doing that with a woman?" But, he says, it's part of being a guy. He suggests that Barney think about baseball. He says he thinks about dudes on the field and it's over a lot faster. Ha. Barney wonders how you seduce a woman. Wayne says you can't overthink it. He talks about baseball, then makes an interesting segue to figure skating. He mentions that he's really getting into figure skating lately. But that's not gay at all! I like figure skating. OH MY GOD! Come quick, wife! Barney, still crying, wonders what woman would have sex with him. "It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy!" he whines. Wayne Brady suggests "The Manmaker." God?