Human Target

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Monty Ashley: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Russian Job

Chance disconnects himself and Emma from the table, but they're still handcuffed together. The two of them fight Blanchard while handcuffed together! They end up on the floor, and Blanchard prepares to shoot them. Then Volkoff shoots Blanchard just before dying. So now he's cuffed to an FBI agent in a room full of dead Russians and a double agent from the State Department. Chance shrugs, because this sort of thing is what passes for normal in his life.

As I said, all three of the guards are dead, so Chance and Emma have to rummage through their pockets for the keys. Because these handcuffs are unpickable for some reason, even though the thing holding them to the table was easily picked with an earring. They find a hotel key on Blanchard, and relay the information to Winston and Guerrero so they can go investigate. Winston tells Chance they'll pick him up at the west gate of the embassy. There's also an enormous security computer with massive video screens showing everything they're doing (there are cameras inside the security room, but not outside in the garden where Shukoff got shot?), which means that they'll have a recording of Chance's face. We can't have that, obviously, so Chance throws a bottle of vodka (which he found in a file cabinet) into the computer and lights it with a lighter. Classy. Also probably not all that effective in terms of destroying all the evidence. Emma is angry that she won't be able to prove that any of this happened. I agree that it doesn't sound that plausible. Chance and Emma sneak out of the security room and are immediately set upon by a swarm of security dudes on motorcycles. They knock the first one down and steal his ride.

At this point, Chance's left wrist is cuffed to Emma's right. She gets on the bike behind him with her arm wrapped around. I shall pretend he can reach the brake that way.

Guerrero enters the hotel room and finds the antidote in the minifridge. There's a syringe in a handy case.

Chance and Emma ride their stolen motorcycle up some steps and through a crowd of people, because that's obviously the way to escape. They jump like fifty feet through the air and land cleanly on the pavement and take off. The guy behind them runs into a wall, even though he's got half as much weight on his motorcycle. They lose him, but now there are security cars behind them. Chase scene! A car stops in front of them, and Chance drives directly into it, which throws him and Emma over it. They land safely on an embankment (KIDS: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. IT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRIVE YOUR MOTORCYCLE INTO AN ONCOMING CAR. I CAN SHOW YOU THE X-RAYS IF YOU WANT) and start climbing a wall. I would like to take issue with the part where Chance said "You got a better idea?" before driving into the car. Yes, Chance. I have a much better idea: drive around the car. There was plenty of room.

Sorry about that. Let's move on. Chance and Emma have to climb this wall to get out of the embassy's grounds. The guards get out of their car and start firing automatic weapons at them. Instead of walking over and grabbing them. The wall takes a long time to climb, since Chance is struggling with the loss of motor skills caused by the poison. The guards are terrible shots, so Emma and Chance get over the wall safely. Emma wants Chance to live so he can be a witness to testify that all this nonsense actually happened. A black van roars up and Guerrero jumps out with bolt cutters and a syringe of antidote. Winston and Guerrero pack Chance into the van and they roar off, leaving Emma no contact info. So we're still doing that thing where Chance doesn't tell people who he is, although Emma's the first person he's actually done that to without giving in later.

An unspecified amount of time later, Emma comes into work and some guy tells her that the Russians are investigating the incident. His role is to be the skeptical coworker who doesn't believe her crazy theories. Apparently Chance is "a phantom", but she's got his fingerprints from the handcuffs. The FBI database goes to work.

Chance is asleep with a game controller in his hand. Aaron stops by to ask how he is. They have some square-jawed, manly talk. Aaron wants to know who his brother was, really. Chance talks about how he was "whoever he had to be to get the job done" as the FBI computer reports that Chance is "John Doe" with a long list of AKAs. "Christopher Chance" is on the list. Chance tells Aaron that he can't tell anyone they've met, and that he has to answer the phone if Chance calls.

Winston got a report that someone at the FBI ran his prints and accuses Chance of leaving his prints on her handcuff on purpose so Emma could hunt him down. Chance denies it. They narrow their eyes at each other. Chance smirks.

Next week: Wednesday at eight, which is allegedly the "regular night and time".

You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.

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Human Target

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