Human Target

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
The Unsinkable Train

Now everyone agrees they should probably get off the train, but Beardy points out that they're going 200 mph. Stephanie has an idea! There's a supplemental braking system in the rear car, which is strong enough to stop that car if they disconnect from the rest of the train.

Guerrero shows up at Winston's place and, after the usual squabbling, makes him read out the times and dates of Mark Hoffer's calls. "Get Chance on the phone," he says. And I believe, ladies and gentlemen, we have a name for our main character! His name is "Chance". Not "Tony". And unfortunately, his phone (well, Stephanie's phone) has been dropped somewhere along the way. Stephanie plans to disconnect the rear car once everyone's safe. Beardy and James don't want her to, but she insists she knows it better than anyone. Tony -- sorry, Chance and Stephanie have a moment where he sympathizes with her about her super-expensive train being about to crash. In the rear car, James tells some other guy to go ahead and hit the brakes. But Chance and Stephanie aren't in the rear car yet! And the door's been tied shut with a necktie! That part doesn't matter that much, because Chance just breaks through the convenient mid-door window, just in time to see the rear car vanishing into the distance. Now they're stranded on a runaway train!

Stephanie proposes that maybe they could just strap themselves in and hope that the train can fly through the curve without braking. Chance thinks that's a stretch, and she agrees that they're going to die in two minutes. Chance looks speculatively at the giant tarps behind Stephanie. They're held down by ballistic nylon straps. I have a horrible fear that he's going to make a giant parachute to slow them down, like with a funnycar. Yep, he's now asking super-specific questions about the angle of the wind turbulence and cutting into the tarps. Stephanie thinks they're going to die. Oh! No, he's got an even sillier idea than my "slow the whole train down" plan. He and Stephanie are going to jump out the back of the train while strapped to a tarp and hope that it serves as a parachute for them. They jump just as the train enters the tunnel and it works pretty well, actually. Then they have to get up and run out of the tunnel because naturally there's a big explosion as the train derails or something.

Chance and Stephanie sit on chairs... somewhere. Chance hasn't even bothered to wipe the blood off his face. James leans into the shot (to dramatic music to show that he's the bad guy) and thanks Chance for his hard work. He tells Stephanie the two of them should go be alone, just the two of them. Stephanie looks to Chance for approval, and he nods. As Stephanie and her husband walk away, James's phone rings. It's Guerrero, who starts telling him about how he's been looking through Mark Hoffer's expenses. James hangs up the phone, but as he turns the corner, Guerrero's Already There! He asks, "When did you find out your wife was sleeping with Mark Hoffer?" James turns around, and Chance shows him the tie that he took off to tie the door shut. The assassin was working for the husband, who wanted to kill his wife for sleeping with the reporter. Stephanie insists that it had been over for a year, but Chance explains that the husband had to delay the murder until the train was completed. Stephanie slaps him (the husband) and walks off.

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Human Target




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