Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

Alfie the One-Handyman asks Cuddy how he got sick from the birds, even though he always washed his hands. Cuddy says that you can get psittacosis by breathing in the dust off a sick chicken. (Or, really, its poop. It's gross to think that we regularly breathe in poop dust, but it's true.) Alfie asks why he was the only person to get sick. Cuddy says that his asthma made him especially vulnerable, and I find it hard to believe that no one else in that warehouse has asthma, but whatever. Alfie is pretty sad about the loss of his hand, but he thanks Cuddy for saving his life and offers his left hand for her to shake.

Cuddy and Stacy spend some more time together. Cuddy is still feeling guilty about cutting off Alfie's hand and being thanked for it. Stacy Wilsonette says that Cuddy saved Alfie's life. Cuddy says that if they had figured out the psittacosis thing earlier, they could have saved Alfie's hand, too. Stacy says that if Cuddy had figured it out later, Alfie would be dead. Cuddy says that, actually, she never figured it out at all -- it was House, who is heading into her office at this very minute, unimpeded by the personal assistant who is still on his long-ass coffee break. House has good news for Cuddy: the hospital is getting sued! Now, I see how he could have found that out before Stacy the Lawyer who never does her job, but how did he find out before Cuddy? Maybe he has access to the hospital's legal mainframe (password: tartypants). Stacy the Incredibly Naïve Lawyer is outraged that Alfie would sue the hospital after they saved his life. Cuddy immediately says they'll settle, and Alfie can get a nice big payout from their insurance company that will keep Manny off the streets. A happy ending for everyone except Alfie's right hand and possibly Mac and his racist medicine. Oh, and Manny, if he doesn't like school.

House goes to leave, but then he and Stacy share a look and he turns back to address Cuddy. He tells her that her perverse guilt makes her a "crappy doctor," but it also makes her "okay" at what she does. Uh...thanks? House says that a world without guilt would be a better one, although he will admit that guilt makes for great sex. Specifically, sex with Stacy, who was quite a screamer in the last months of her relationship with House. He'll tell us every sordid detail of his relationship with Stacy, but we still don't get a yes or no about whether or not he did it with Cuddy. Lame! "You see the world as it is and you see the world as it could be," House says. But everyone else also sees the "giant gaping chasm in between." Is this about his sex life with Stacy again? Cuddy says she's not an innocent little girl, and she does know how the world works. "If you did, you never would've hired me," House says. He tells Cuddy that she's not happy unless things are right, which makes her a good boss and doomed to be unhappy for the rest of her life, because, according to House, things will never be right. Anyway, House wonders why everyone seems to think he and Cuddy had sex. "Think there could be something to it?" he asks, then walks out. I had no idea your eyes could be half-closed while your eyebrows arch in villainous surprise, but Stacy does it. Cuddy smiles, and then immediately goes back to her guilt-wallowing expression when she sees Stacy looking at her.

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