House
Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

Alfredo wakes up and notices that he can't move his right arm. He screams for a nurse, but this hospital doesn't employ nurses, so Chase rushes in. He takes a look at Alfredo's vitals and makes a really obvious "oh, shit" face that you'd think medical school would've taught him to curb.

Chase tells Cuddy that the protein C has caused a bleed in Alfredo's brain. He's called a neurosurgeon.

Alfredo's head gets drilled. Cuddy watches from the operating theater balcony thing that's been getting a lot of use this season.

The next morning, Alfredo can move his arm again and wants to know when he can go home. Cameron explains that the surgery only "fixed the problem created by the medicine [they] gave [him]." It's too bad that Stacy the Lawyer is too busy pretending she's Cuddy's bestest friend and personal confidante to do her job and tell the staff not to say things like "that stroke you had that required brain surgery was totally our fault, whoops!" Alfredo's mom españols that Cameron looks too young to be a doctor, because even she realizes that Cameron's an airhead for saying that stuff about the deadly medicine, and she can't even speak English. Cameron says that she's the youngest of the five doctors working on Alfredo's case, so Mamacita can stick her preocupado up her nalga. Alfredo asks why Cuddy hasn't been in to visit him yet, and then starts coughing and hacking before Cameron can answer, fortunately for everyone. "That doesn't sound too good," Cameron says about the cough, oddly not adding, "It's probably because the air in this hospital is filled with pneumonia sometimes, whoops!" The Magic School Bus Cam zooms into Alfredo's lungs and then back out to Cameron, who could also stand to enroll in the "How to Disguise Your Concern In Front of Your Patient" class Chase needs to take.

Back in the differential-diagnosis room, Cuddy takes a look at Alfredo's chest x-ray as Cameron explains that Alfredo's hand is getting worse, and now he has a high fever and "lung infiltrates." Cuddy suggests that the fall caused acute respiratory distress, and House pops a few pills and says that he'd prefer it if their diagnoses didn't depend on Cuddy's personal guilt. Cuddy responds by rolling her eyes and actually clutching her pearls, which makes me sad. House proposes that Alfredo was sick before he fell off Cuddy's roof, and Foreman says that pneumonia is consistent with Alfredo's symptoms. Chase and House rule that out, saying that Alfredo would surely have noticed the breathing problems that accompany pneumonia that severe before he ever got on Cuddy's roof, and then Cuddy sighs and tells them how Alfredo complained of breathing problems but she thought he was lying and sent him up to the roof anyway. "Well, why didn't you just take out a gun and shoot him?" House cruelly asks before even more cruelly yelling at her for leaving that little detail out because she was so certain that Alfredo's problems were her fault that she couldn't see any other reason, and now they've lost a day and made Alfredo's brain bleed. Cuddy looks sad, so Cameron, the self-appointed People-Picker-Upper, says, "If it's just garden-variety bacterial pneumonia, he's gonna be fine." Yeah, except that I really don't think garden-variety pneumonia is accompanied by black fingers. House orders some antibiotics for the pneumonia, and then says that they'll have to go break into Alfredo's house to look for environmental causes, calling him "Julio" and "Rico," because the only thing House even noticed about his patient was that he was Hispanic, and all Hispanic people have interchangeable Hispanic names. Cuddy says she'll go get a key to Alfredo's, and House yells after her that she is no longer capable of deciding what's best for his patient, just to get that last little dig in there. She leaves, and House nods at Cameron to accompany her.

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