Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

It's Chase's turn to be curiously curious as House examines Cuddy's curios to find a cure for Alfredo. Chase says there's no way House just guessed about the key. He knew it was there. House takes a thong out of Cuddy's dresser and asks if pink counts as red, and then tosses it to Chase to make him all flustered and distracted so that he won't ask any more questions about House and Cuddy's possible sex life. This is also where the break-in goes from humorous and fun to invasive and pervy and wrong. Tossing Cuddy's panties around and making comments about them is obviously not part of their medical inquiry, so it's a serious violation of Cuddy's privacy that indicates that House either has no respect for her or that his insane need to know every single intimate detail about everyone around him outweighs his sense of moral propriety. Either way, it doesn't make him look all that good. I really hope an episode comes up soon where the Cottages have to break into House's house and then they can pick through his stuff like he does to everyone else. House reports that he's found a shrine to Chase at the bottom of Cuddy's underwear drawer, full of pictures of a certain blond Australian. Chase walks up, very interested. "You're kidding!" he says. "Yeah!" House answers. Sorry, Chase.

House and Chase move to the Cuddy's Perfectly Purple bathroom, where House picks up a box of feminine hygiene products and announces to all that Cuddy uses Super Tampons. House, quit it with the fascination with Cuddy's vaginal paraphernalia. You may want to know everything about the area, but I really don't. I now see why Cameron wasn't invited on this trip, because as a fellow woman, she probably would have had a huge problem with this and reported House to Cuddy immediately. Since it's just the guys, though, Chase only says that House and Cuddy are too nasty to each other not to have been nasty in the past. "I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with," says House. "I am that good." He does sound a tad defensive, but that might just be me hearing what I want to hear even though I now want someone better for Cuddy than a guy who makes tampon jokes. Like Alfredo. Go for it, Cuddy. House checks out Cuddy's sink as Foreman walks in, saying he thinks they're ready to go unless there's anything else House would like to sniff (ewewew). That's when House spots some mold growing around Cuddy's pipes. Her sink pipes, that is. He's not that invasive. Yet.

Back at PPTH, Cuddy and Cameron run up to meet House, Foreman, and Chase. Cuddy's pleased to report that Alfredo is only getting worse, and that the antibiotics aren't working. House is happy to see that Cuddy has finally learned to take things in stride, and Cuddy says her good mood is due to the fact that she and Cameron found rats in Alfredo's home, which means that Alfredo has rat bite fever and also that Cuddy is only upset when people are dying slowly and painfully in her hospital if it's her fault. This episode won't be happy until it's made everyone look like an asshole, I think. House seems to find the rat bite fever theory a plausible one, remembering the scars on Alfredo's hands that could have been rat bites. Rat bite fever fits Alfredo's symptoms perfectly, just like the other five thousand things they were sure he had. House says that they have another possibility: there was aspergillus fungus under the sink. Cuddy's all, "What sink?" House is all, "Your sink. You need to clean your bathroom more. Among...other things." Foreman and Chase make those "I wish I weren't here right now" faces they've come to perfect this episode as Cuddy gets really pissed that House broke into her house. Cameron just stands there with her mouth hanging open. Cuddy shouts that House had no right to break into her house, and that there were no medical or moral reasons for him to, like either of those things really matters to House when he has an opportunity to look at thongs. Her argument is cut short, however, when she looks at Alfredo's latest chest x-ray and notes that the "focal consolidation" on it is much more consistent with fungal pneumonia than it is with rat bite fever. And, House is pleased to add, it keeps Cuddy totally responsible for Alfredo's problems. Cameron says that the treatment for fungal pneumonia is "hugely dangerous." "Yeah, your point being?" Cuddy snaps at her. I don't think there will be any more girl-girl home invasions in their future, which is too bad because I kind of liked them together and was hoping that some of Cuddy would rub off on Cameron instead of the other way around, which is what seems to have happened. House says it's not like they've shied away from killer medicines so far in Alfredo's case, so they'll pump him full of more helpful poison.

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